I am not talking about powerful like a politician here, or like Zeus. But more like "in control of my shit" powerful. I think as women, we should always be "in control of our shit".
I sat with my mom and my good friend today, and we discussed her man issues. It's been 4 months that she has been seeing this guy, that kinda treats her like a girlfriend, but not entirely. She doesn't really know where she stands, and she cares for him A LOT (it's love, but whatever) and she is waiting for him to tell her up front: You're my woman. She's in the non-powerful stage right here where all his actions dictate hers. If he wants to see her, she sees him, if he doesn't want to see her, she doesn't. He's the one who controls this relationship between the 2. C'est pas bon ça. We all know that it's the woman that needs to take on this power. She is the queen of the show, and needs to prove it.
Once it becomes too easy for the man to get what he wants, when he wants, the chase is over, the game is over, and the woman becomes the puppet. And the man can play with this puppet as long as he wants. This is THE story that we all know. We have all heard this before, we have all been in it.
Now - HOW do we not fall into the puppet position and stay powerful? Well. Everyone is different, but I have learned that being independent is your best solution. What do I mean by independent? I mean. Do your thang girl. Do what you want when you want and don't bend yourself backwards for anyone. Be a good person of course, but assertive and in control of your shit. (I'm totally loving this phrase right now)
Oh. And being too nice.
Yeah that don't work neither. I am one of those. Those too nice people.
I sat down with my boss the other day for my review and one of the things she told me is N. You are so damn likeable. Everybody loves you and gets along with you. In a review, this is magnificent, you don't want your boss telling you that you're a bitch. But in the world of love - this is like saying: Woman, you will remain in the friendzone FOREVER AND EVER. So I decided to pick up this book : Why Women Marry Bitches. Boom. This book is freaking GENIUS. If you haven't read it. Read it. If you have never heard of it. Now you have and now you can go read it. This book turns the "super duper" nice you, into a more assertive you. It says Bitch, but it doesn't tell you to turn into a bitch per se, it just tells you to be more assertive in what you want, and not to give in too easily, and not too fold too easily neither. Being nice is not a bad thing, being too nice ... Yes. It is. It shows you how to practice self-worth, self-respect, all that good stuff we should all have in us.
So - I am giving you homework for the week or for the month. Go out to buy that book. Even if you are in a relationship - I think it's brilliant. And let me know what you think. AND if you have already read it, let me know what you think of it! What was the most important lesson?
Until next time!
Good night bitches - ugh. I mean awesome people. ugh. I mean bitches ;)