Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Friendship after Sex : Is it possible?

I am not talking about that random drunken one night stand you had with your good friend 10 years ago when you were drunk in university, nor am I am talking about any random sex adventures you had because you were lonely, it just happened or some other excuse you can come up with. I am talking about having some kind of sex numerous times with the same person on several occasions. Yes. Several occasions here is important, because I don’t care if you had a wild night, day and evening with the same person numerous times, but that this only happened once. I’m thinking you get the just of what I’m trying to say. Is it possible to have a normal decent platonic friendship with this person once you have seen them naked? The short answer to this, in my opinion, is no.

Of course, there are a few exceptions to the rule of some people that were able to put the crazy wild kinky nights of sex to bed (word choice seemed appropriate) and be friends, but these cases are rare. Already the topic of male/female friendships is a very sensitive one and not many people believe that you can actually be friends with the opposite sex (unless you are into people of the same sex of course), so you can believe that the question if a male/female who have already shared this intimacy together can actually be friends is an even more complicated one.

 I believe that once you have been attracted to a person in a sexual way, it’s hard to put that attractiveness aside. Once you have had sex with a person, it becomes very easy to have sex with that person again. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure many of you can tell me that you are friends with past flings, but take a VERY GOOD look at that relationship, is it real friendship? Would it be possible that on a drunken night together, and you are both single, both a little “in the mood” that you would be able to resist each other? Especially when you probably know the person quite well. You have already seen them naked, you have already done things to them that you wouldn’t want most people to know about, it’s easy, it’s known territory. Would you really be able to not go through with it? I am not too sure. If you have any doubts. Well then no. This person isn’t a REAL friend. 

The definition of “friend” might differ from one person to another and can be used loosely, but for me, a friend is having someone there for you, that you can talk to, about all kinds of things and wouldn’t even think twice about getting into bed with you. That for me is a REAL friend. Once those thoughts take over, then it gets tricky and someone will always wound up hurt (unless both feel the same of course!)

Then we question – can you be friends with someone, AND have sex with them? Well, we all know what that is – f*** buddies (yes I am trying to stay polite). But the issue with these types of buddies is that this works short term, not really long term. Because someone ALWAYS falls for the other. When you become so comfortable with someone, you develop feelings and well, we all know what happens next. It’s either mutual and boom. You’re a couple. OR. It’s not. And someone needs to walk. It’s not healthy to keep people in our life where the relationship can’t really be defined. Don’t get me wrong. We all have these types of relationships in our lives, I guess it keeps it spicy, but do we really NEED them. No.

So it’s fair to say that the possibility of being able to be friends with a past fling is quite hard. Yes, I’m sure you can see each other at different events, be acquaintances, but actually maintain a proper “tell me your problems”, “lets have dinner together” friendship, I think it’s really difficult. It happens. Sort of. But in my opinion, you can never unsee someone you saw naked many times, and especially if you were willing to go back for more. The chances that you still would want more are there too.

So, whats your opinion about this? Do you think you can have a real friendship after sex? Weigh in. Let me know what you think!

On that note, toodles!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey n, I have been in a fwb for two years. We stopped the sex 8 months ago for reasons of age I'm 46 she is 28 and I'm in love with her and she don't want to be in love with me cause 17 is to much of an age difference. We still talk everyday by text and we have dinner still couple times a month.. We still have very strong sexual feelings for each other but don't do the deed.. She has left her panties for me after dinner sometimes and I love it.. But inside I want More of her in my life and would actually marry this woman but age is a problem for both of us in some degrees.. But I also feel I'm torturing myself by maintaining our awesome friendship with no benefits but we are such good friends to and for each other and I did say we can't be friends anymore cause I need more but couldn't not be her friend because she is amazing and she felt the same so we see each other now as friends but it is very hard and not sure what to do really .. Cause my feelings still grow even as friends without the sex...not sure if that helps knowing out story anyways...