Friday, 28 June 2013

The Best One Night Stand Ever

You are at a bar, it's late, long week you had. Your boss was demanding, you went to bed late all week. You need a drink. The place is packed and you are sipping your gin & tonic, Hendriks of course. The cucumber is still resting in your glass, you are gazing around the room, not particularly looking for anything special, but looking nonetheless. Who is here? You are in a happy mood, but nothing out of the ordinary. And through all the noise and people around you, eyes are looking back at you, but just a glance and just for a quick second.

You continue on your merry way, the eyes seem to disappear in the crowd and you finish your Hendriks you have been sipping for quite some time. You move closer to the bar, leaving your friends at the small table they have kept for their purses and other accessories they don't feel like wearing. I am talking about small jackets, scarfs you name it. We love that little table, even though we don't sit, it serves as our own personal coat check.

You make your way to the crowded bar, the lights are dimmed low and you can make out a few familiar faces of people you have seen before, but nothing out of the ordinary. Ordering at the bar becomes a drag. So many people and you can't seem to get the bartenders attention. and suddenly, a stranger, out of nowhere, leans in to the bar next to you. He towers over you, even though you are wearing your sexiest heels.

Who is this handsome piece of man?

But without giving off any signal, you find yourself with another Hendriks being offered to you, and he mutters something like:

Did the lady want a Hendriks? Flashing his million dollar smile. Ugh. Are you in a movie or something?

He's cute, but nothing out of the ordinary, but his smile is a killer. Why thank you you answer, and you are quite impressed with his slick move. Probably asked the bartender what you were having. And those eyes. Clearly the eyes that were looking at you from the other side of the room. Smooth move bro. Smooth move.

Before you know it, you are talking about how rollerblading is better than biking, and that Spiderman is the ultimate superhero because he's not only geeky, but funny and saves the world using spiderwebs. Both of you mimic your best web throwing technique. Conversation moves on to how you like to bake cakes sometimes and how he loves eating cakes, and that the 2 of you should be always together, bounded by the hip to always eat and bake delicious cakes. Conversation is silly. But you don't care, this piece of man makes you laugh, and right now that's all that matters. It's nothing out of the ordinary, but you are having a great time. You have no idea what he does and you love that.

He chats up with a couple of your friends, tells them that they should stay away from you because you prefer vanilla to chocolate, or that you don't know who Aaron Sorkin is. But neither do they! You chuckle and try to get closer. He turns to you, you talk a little, he takes you to the dance floor pulling some of the wackiest dance moves you have ever seen. You keep on laughing. He kisses you gently. Wow. He kissed you in a bar. Are you 20 again? Maybe. You feel a little jittery but that's OK.

Who is this man? Where does he come from? His name is. Well that's not really important. His name is Funny Interesting Man.

He goes back to his friends, but always keeps his wondering eye. The night is getting late. And he has yet to ask for your number. What do you do? You try to get a little closer to him, but without going up to him of course. You want him to come your way. He finally does. Comes right up to you and says: Wanna get out of here? You think a little. "Do I want this? Yeah definitely. I want this." You nod without seeming too into it. He pulled a little Ryan Gosling move, but you don't care. He's pretty awesome.

He brings you to his place, as you are going up the elevator, he kisses you again, but this time, with lots of passion. You get to his home. You have barely walked in. He pulls you in for that killer kiss that will make you undress, forget his name (if you still remember it) and forget your own.

Clothes are everywhere, hands are everywhere. It's not perfect, but it's pretty damn amazing. You both fall asleep naked, spooned in close.

You wake up the next morning. And chitchat in bed, exchange your favorite songs, laughs and maybe a little morning sex. Both of you seem to not want to leave the bed. Once your feet get off that bed, it's back to the real life again. He tells you that he has a brunch with some friends from out of town. You take a quick shower together. It's kinda sexy. You wash each other's bodies and continue to laugh some more. You leave his place. He kisses you goodbye, takes your number. Will you hear from him again? Maybe. Maybe not. Wow. What was this?

It was just a good moment. A good moment in time. The. Best. One Night Stand. Ever. And completely out of the ordinary.

N.

I decided to change it up a little and write a fictional short story (taken from one night stands moments in the lives of friends...) let me know your thoughts!


Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Friendship after Sex : Is it possible?




I am not talking about that random drunken one night stand you had with your good friend 10 years ago when you were drunk in university, nor am I am talking about any random sex adventures you had because you were lonely, it just happened or some other excuse you can come up with. I am talking about having some kind of sex numerous times with the same person on several occasions. Yes. Several occasions here is important, because I don’t care if you had a wild night, day and evening with the same person numerous times, but that this only happened once. I’m thinking you get the just of what I’m trying to say. Is it possible to have a normal decent platonic friendship with this person once you have seen them naked? The short answer to this, in my opinion, is no.


Of course, there are a few exceptions to the rule of some people that were able to put the crazy wild kinky nights of sex to bed (word choice seemed appropriate) and be friends, but these cases are rare. Already the topic of male/female friendships is a very sensitive one and not many people believe that you can actually be friends with the opposite sex (unless you are into people of the same sex of course), so you can believe that the question if a male/female who have already shared this intimacy together can actually be friends is an even more complicated one.

 I believe that once you have been attracted to a person in a sexual way, it’s hard to put that attractiveness aside. Once you have had sex with a person, it becomes very easy to have sex with that person again. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure many of you can tell me that you are friends with past flings, but take a VERY GOOD look at that relationship, is it real friendship? Would it be possible that on a drunken night together, and you are both single, both a little “in the mood” that you would be able to resist each other? Especially when you probably know the person quite well. You have already seen them naked, you have already done things to them that you wouldn’t want most people to know about, it’s easy, it’s known territory. Would you really be able to not go through with it? I am not too sure. If you have any doubts. Well then no. This person isn’t a REAL friend. 

The definition of “friend” might differ from one person to another and can be used loosely, but for me, a friend is having someone there for you, that you can talk to, about all kinds of things and wouldn’t even think twice about getting into bed with you. That for me is a REAL friend. Once those thoughts take over, then it gets tricky and someone will always wound up hurt (unless both feel the same of course!)

Then we question – can you be friends with someone, AND have sex with them? Well, we all know what that is – f*** buddies (yes I am trying to stay polite). But the issue with these types of buddies is that this works short term, not really long term. Because someone ALWAYS falls for the other. When you become so comfortable with someone, you develop feelings and well, we all know what happens next. It’s either mutual and boom. You’re a couple. OR. It’s not. And someone needs to walk. It’s not healthy to keep people in our life where the relationship can’t really be defined. Don’t get me wrong. We all have these types of relationships in our lives, I guess it keeps it spicy, but do we really NEED them. No.

So it’s fair to say that the possibility of being able to be friends with a past fling is quite hard. Yes, I’m sure you can see each other at different events, be acquaintances, but actually maintain a proper “tell me your problems”, “lets have dinner together” friendship, I think it’s really difficult. It happens. Sort of. But in my opinion, you can never unsee someone you saw naked many times, and especially if you were willing to go back for more. The chances that you still would want more are there too.

So, whats your opinion about this? Do you think you can have a real friendship after sex? Weigh in. Let me know what you think!

On that note, toodles!
N.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Why do women like unavailable men?

Here is a post by a male contributor H. He has already written for my blog.. and I decided I would have to let him write again! H. is a little more vulgar than I am.. and I'm sorry H. but I just had to make some changes to the text. I do have grannies reading my blog you know!! 

The acting in this photo is actually extraordinary. 2 thumbs up.

Like I've said before, I think I'm not a good writer and that's why I don't do it often and it’s probably the only area where I lack of confidence. (H. If you don't practice, you can never get better... I don't judge!!)  I wanted to talk about this subject for a while because most of my girl friends get into this situation and always ask why? Well here it is!

Why is that you're so into married man, engaged man and any man who’s not available? I would say there are 2 main answers to that question, of course I’m no god (well almost) but here’s what I personally think and what I’ve could observed over the years.

The first answer would be that you just don’t want to get involved, I mean deep down inside and YES you have daddy issues, you all do! This answer would probably apply to most of you that get into these types of “relationships” in a repetitive way. If you know you don’t want to get into a serious relationship, fine with me, but don’t complain about it when he calls his wife or girl friend instead of you. So my advice here, if you always get into that vortex of engaged man, get a good shrink and work on that “engagement” issue.

The second part of the answer would be mostly towards what I like to call the “princess factor”. A married man will consider you like some fresh meat, yes a piece of ass, which he can call and get into from time to time. After eating pizza for a while, a new topping is always something fun. So for this man you’re just a toy and what we like to do with toys, well we like to play. And this is where it gets interesting and why you’re so hooked on this type of relation. Every minute this man will be with you, all he will think about, is the moment he will get you in bed. So yes, he will take you out to restaurants, events, have wine, talk, laugh AND get you naked... All of this is fun, because when he’s with you he’s 110% there and will do everything to get to his goal. There it is, the “princess factor” you can just feel it; it’s not with this guy that you will spend a Saturday night in your PJs watching a movie with no makeup. You do those kind of things with a boyfriend and HE does all of this with his wife, it probably won’t ever happen with you because he always has a “schedule” with you. He has to go back home eventually.

I know all situations are different and yes he MIGHT leave his wife for you, but trust me this isn’t a movie, it doesn’t happen often and it’s easier to get a new toy, than to get divorced and lose a shit load of money. So my advice here would be to get your shit together and get yourself a shrink if you have daddy issues. So you can stop being just a toy, because you’re a unique person that deserves 100% of someone just as good as you.

So now I turn my question over to you, have you dated unavailable men? Why do you think you did it? Do you have a different opinion than H.? Share it!

H. 

Saturday, 1 June 2013

Dealing with multi-dating!



Summer is back! It's "Take out those hot heels, pretty summer dresses" time! Time to sip glasses of wine with friends on a terrace, time to soak in the rays, sit by the pool, by the lake, or where ever you want to sit by, time to pull out your bike, rollerblades, hiking, running or walking shoes, time to get your butt out there are start meeting men, women whatever floats your boat. I don't judge!

When it comes to summer and dating, I encourage it all the way. See many people. Taste the fish in the sea. Experience and live it up! 

BUT.

When does it become not right to still be seeing 2-3-4 people at the same time? When is it ok to do so? What are the limits? How to manage a few men or women at the same time? These questions I find quite interesting. 

I am in the line of thought that it's OK to see a few people at the same time, to date not more than 2, and then of course a relationship is just with 1. That's my idea of what I can accept. BUT. Of course, the trick is. No one should know about the other someones. The result is horrid. We always want to be the most special in someone's life. 

"I don't mind being someone's #2" - Said no one ever. (Unless it's a polygamist society or something...!)

Even when we are casually seeing a person, we don't want to know about the other person's conquests. We don't want to know that they are sleeping with a few other women, or going on dates with other women, or chatting with other women. And. we certainly don't want them communicating with these other women while we are around! 

You meet a beautiful man at Burgundy Lion on Wednesday night. He's cool, fun, funny, has great friends, thinks you're hot stuff. You guys talk, go on a couple dates. It's very casual, but still romantic. You decide to spend a day at the park, biking, walking, ice cream, lunch or whatever with this guy. And then you notice that he's texting other women, with you there. 

Are you allowed to be upset? It's casual right? He doesn't owe you anything really. Except for respect. So yes. Hells yes you should be upset. 

When spending time with someone special, it's only respect not to text other women that he may be seeing, dating, sleeping with, or other. His attention should be focused on you, and only you. And maybe a couple guy friends he texts telling them how AWESOME you are :)

Come to think of it. 

In my opinion, we have the right to be upset, but the fact that this other person is communicating with other people while with you means that "he's just not that into you", or "she's just not that into you". If they were, they wouldn't even THINK to communicate with other people, they would be enjoying your company so much, your laugh, your personality, and would want to spend as much time as possible getting close to you, instead of maintaining some kind of contact with other prospects. 

And of course, you would be doing the same, putting the other men that you are sorta kinda seeing on hold while spending time with this one. Enjoy to the fullest the time together. 

I even asked a friend of mine who was seeing a few men: So, when you are with F., do you ever text S. or T.? She told me NO! But when I'm with T., I do text F. So I asked her...Why? She answered very simply.. because I like F. more than T. 

"Sorry Hun, you're cool, but not enough for me to stop communicating with other people while I'm with you". That's the message I'm getting if someone were to do that to me. Ouch. 

Do you agree? I am sure that other people have different opinions about this subject. Do you REALLY think it's OK to communicate with other people while you are on a date with another? Or while you are spending quality time together? Since it's casual, anything goes? Let me know what you think!

So for this summer - make sure to spend time with people that put you as their PRIORITY, not their option!

Happy "LOOK HOT FEEL HOT BE HOT" Summer!

N.