I love blog contributors. Why you ask? Because they bring in a new perspective that isn't my own and I love hearing it! So, not only is this a new contributor, but he's also a MAN! WOOHOOO! Let's call him S. So here's S. on breakups! Make sure to comment below and give him feedback!
How do people manage breakups, whether you are a girl, a guy, the one that left, or the one that has been dumped. Whether it was a long relationship, a short (but intense) one, whether it was a rebound, a purely sexual relationship with no strings attached (yes I consider this also a breakup and you are lying to yourself if you do not think the same) or an unhealthy relationship that you end up craving more than anything for no particular rational reason.
This is the question I’ve been asking myself these past few months and I wish to share my thoughts with you guys and especially read your comments on same.
Let's start with the obvious: everybody is different so everybody will have a different reaction when faced with a breakup. This is evidently true, but I could nevertheless notice that all these reactions have several feelings in common: sadness, guilt, withdrawal, liberation, to name only these few.
There is also lots of cliches attached to the concept of a breakup. How many times have we heard the "it's not you it's me" expression...
Boring. Nobody, I mean nobody has ever been satisfied with this kind of explanation.
Some people (mostly girls) say that guys have it easy. Usually when they end a relationship, they are probably already in another one, or when they get dumped, they will probably just go out more often, pick up some random girl, have sex and then everything will be forgotten in a heartbeat.
The same people who think that (again, mostly girls) are persuaded that a girl has it much much harder. In their minds, a girl when she is done with her boyfriend, will take ages to actually breakup with the guy in hopes he will change, or the passion and love will come back. When she actually leaves the guy, she will be more sad than the guy who will be dumped and she will feel a lot of guilt for weeks at least or months. On the other hand, when it's the girl that is being dumped, she will spend months crying on the phone to her girlfriends, eating Haagen Daz and watching every romantic comedy Hollywood, Bollywood or even Paris has ever produced.
This is the kind of cliche that has been inseminated in our brains, especially by all these serie B romantic comedies.
Nowadays, I don't think that we can actually still believe that. To put it simply and to follow this cliche theory, a lot of guys are behaving like a cliche girl when faced with a breakup and a lot of girls are behaving like a cliche guy when faced with the same situation.
A breakup is mostly, feelings aside, a break and a brutal change in your life. Suddenly, the life that you expected and imagined is no longer possible. People have to adapt and we all know that the human being is the most adaptable creature on earth. Still! It sucks, I mean it's bad!
Obviously when you have spent many years with that person, the sudden change is going to be harder to digest and actually accept. Many exs sleep with one another for months, even for years after actually breaking up, only to fill that hole that solitude carved in their hearts (melodramatic much !!). But of course their is drama. When feelings and change are involved, there is always drama. Part of our nature, I don't care who you are or how you express it.
Then, there is the much shorter, passionate relationships. These are tricky because everything goes beyond well for a short while and then boom, something happens and you can't recover from it. When actually breaking up from an intense, short relationship, the withdrawal factor comes into play and passion and love is a hell of a drug. Most people need several sessions of detox and even family and friends intervention to get through. And meeting someone else right away helps, but it's definitely not a solution, we all know that. Again this applies for guys and girls... Trust me.
How about the rebound relationship. Well a rebound has qualities: you fetch someone that's completely different from your ex and hopefully that person will actually show you that you can love again, that it's still possible and that you are not doomed after a breakup. Unfortunately, a rebound has its side effects. Even thought you go for a completely different person, you cannot help comparing both relationships and this my friends leads to no good... You try to replace and still act the same with a completely different person which will only bring out frustrations and incompatibility.
I will finish by stating another cliche, but this one, I strongly believe in: only time heals the wounds. A breakup is a wound that is curable. It is not the end and you have to allow time to work its magic. Everybody is different. Some might need more time then others. Some wounds are deeper then others. When you heal, you won't notice it at first, but you will know it when you fall back in love with a person that loves you back.
And how do you deal with breakups? Move on to a rebound? Suffer with pounds of the best cookie dough ice cream, the latest Ryan Gosling chick flick? Endless quantities of Jameson shots? Go on. Share.
PS. You can remain anonymous!