Monday, 20 May 2013

I like you, but not really, but kinda

I got a question to ask you. Yes you. I am talking to the single men and ladies out there. When was the last time that you didn't have a single love interest on your mind or in your life? I can't really speak for men here, but in the case of women, I would say NEVER. We are always thinking about somebody, whether he be the right or wrong person for us. We need it. 

Since my elementary school days, when I used to play outside with my buddies, we played kick ball at recess, I had my eye on the cutest boy in the world, his name was John (names have been changed). John was the cutest boy in school. I was so shy around him that I had invited everyone to my birthday party, and just kept his invitation in my backpack till 1 day before the event because i was too shy to give it to him! After John, came Frank. Frank was the funniest boy, but was sadly "seeing" my best friend at the time. So much for that. And then. And then. And I can keep on naming all the different boys I had crushes on up until this day. There is NOT one period in my life where there wasn't one. Some have lasted longer than others and I just think it was because I hadn't met someone new yet. You know. After 2 years of having a crush on someone. 

Awaye N. 

Get over it and move on the next! 

Come On. No?

But I believe we have this need to love and be loved, this need to think of someone when we go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning, the need to fantasize about someone - even though that this person is probably not the right person for you. Now. How do we know? How do we know if this person is right or wrong and that we are just still hung up on them for no good reason? I think you just know it. Close your eyes and picture yourself with this person in 10 years from now? Is it real? Can you see yourself? Be honest with yourself. Or have you tried everything? Have you gone to the end of what you 2 can be and well it doesn't really work out.. well then you know! 

So why do we have so much trouble realizing that this person isn't right, and move on to the next? Fear of loneliness? Fear of feeling alone? Maybe.

I will share a little insider on my life - I met a man a few years ago, and for 3 years. I wanted him. I had met a few other men in the process, but my feelings and thoughts always went back to him. And then one day, we spent the weekend together, and at that point, I just knew. I knew this was no longer going to work out. (Frankly, the story is more complicated here, but I'm just speaking about my feelings towards him). So after that weekend, I was sure that this wasn't the person I wanted, but I stayed caught up for an extra year before meeting someone new and who allowed me to completely detach myself from this person for good.

That extra year was simply there because I hadn't yet met anyone better. I still thought of him everyday, all the time, even though I knew that there was no outcome to this. The funny thing, is that I don't think we always realize it, realize that we are caught up on the wrong person. And even if we do. We feel happier knowing that we at least have SOMEONE to think of, to spend time with, instead of no one. Because how depressing would that be to have absolutely no one to think of? We are too emotional, we have too much love to give to just not give it to anyone!

This same can also be applicable to relationships. We happen to stick around with someone just because we have no one better. And. I can't say how many times I say this. But. THIS IS SETTLING!!! Re-read my piece on Tough Decisions - that's how you will find better :)

So, I'm not saying that we should stop liking the people we like even though we don't REALLY like them. I think it's just important to be conscious about it and not waste time or energy on something that you don't think will go anywhere. Harness that energy into something else, like a hobby or something!

I would love to get your opinion on why people just like people for the sake of liking! Tell me what you think! I love to hear from you!

On that note, have a great day off (for those that are off)!

N.

(Special shout out to G. for inspiring me to write about this - yes G. is my silent contributor that you will start to hear more from in the future!)

Sunday, 12 May 2013

What is a good friendship?

First of all, I want to thank everyone that gave me their input on the "Voice over Blog" thing I tried last week. In the future, I will be doing something sorta similar, but instead of reading my own blog, I will have discussions. Discussions about different blog-related subjects. Usually with a special guest! So, if there is anything you want me to talk about, let me know! AND, if you want to be my special guest, that can be arranged too. I can be reached in the comments below or via my Facebook page: What it feels like for a girl (If you don't LIKE the page, well LIKE it already!!) I know we are all dealing with issues of the heart so someone's got to talk about it!

Ok, now on to the subject of the week....

This weekend, I was subject to a few particular situations that didn't really involve me, but that I became aware of. I have written about this before, but it seems to come up so often with so many people, that I can't help but express my opinion. All events lead to this question: What is a good friendship?

We have all heard the saying - you can only count your true friends on your 5 fingers. The really good ones that you can call at any time in the morning and that will be there for you. The ones that will rush to the hospital on a Saturday night if something happens to you, the ones that will help you move your entire apartment, the ones that will just be there. I truly believe that people with those friendships are the lucky ones. 

A friendship is basically like a couple relationship without the attraction and the sex. It's based on the same principles of trust, love, generosity, care, good times, not always so good times and everything in between. That's how I see it. You need to nurture that relationship, spend time with that person, strengthen the bond. These friendships can last a lifetime. 

But sometimes not. 

Not to sound too pessimistic, but like any type of relationship, we grow a part, we change, our interests change, we don't get along and sometimes we still remain friends just for the sake of time. By time I mean, we are friends with someone because well, we have been friends with them forever, and not necessarily because we have a strong bond with that person anymore. 

But I have seen that some of the friendships you would think are the strongest, just fall a part. I have seen some really heartbreaking stuff. 20 years relationships, torn to shreds. I wonder if we don't work as hard to keep a friendship as we would a relationship. I wonder if at the sign of a trouble, instead of working it out, and believing in that 20 year friendship, we toss it to the side. Do we give up too easily?  

I have been analyzing that question all evening, pondering on what we are becoming as people. Are we too individualistic? Have we been taught to not accept someone to mistreat us at all, and at the sign of the slightest issue, we push away, thinking that it's in our best interest? 

Don't get me wrong though, if you don't want that person in your life because they don't bring you any good, well so be it, take your distance. But. when the going gets tough, I think we should spend more time fixing the issue instead of throwing it away. No one is perfect, and no one always says or does the right things. I do believe in filtering the friends you don't need in your life, but when it comes to those really good ones that have stuck by you through thick and thin, don't they deserve another chance? 

All in all to say - when you have those good friends, keep them close, and if they should make mistakes, before exiting them out of your lives, I think we need to really work at fixing the problem. I think we were put in this world for that specific reason, to deal with people, to live in society and build relationships. So let's do that! Keep that good friendship! 

Have a great week yall!

N.




Sunday, 5 May 2013

Making those tough decisions...


Want to listen to it instead? Listen here! (This is a trial - let me know what you think!)
As I sit on my balcony in this beautiful weather, gazing at the trees in full bloom, listening to the birds and kids play in the street (yes I live in quite the residential area…), I smile. I smile because of the sun, the heat on my skin (finally. Damn was that winter long). I smile because there are just things I can't control so why frown. I smile because I need to. I smile because there is no point on dwelling on the past, and only worth looking forward from now on. I am listening to some soulful Erykah Badu who is a soul goddess. And I’m starting to feel fine. Finally.

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

The Truth About Breakups


I love blog contributors. Why you ask? Because they bring in a new perspective that isn't my own and I love hearing it! So, not only is this a new contributor, but he's also a MAN! WOOHOOO! Let's call him S. So here's S. on breakups! Make sure to comment below and give him feedback!
How do people manage breakups, whether you are a girl, a guy, the one that left, or the one that has been dumped. Whether it was a long relationship, a short (but intense) one, whether it was a rebound, a purely sexual relationship with no strings attached (yes I consider this also a breakup and you are lying to yourself if you do not think the same) or an unhealthy relationship that you end up craving more than anything for no particular rational reason.
This is the question I’ve been asking myself these past few months and I wish to share my thoughts with you guys and especially read your comments on same.
Let's start with the obvious: everybody is different so everybody will have a different reaction when faced with a breakup. This is evidently true, but I could nevertheless notice that all these reactions have several feelings in common: sadness, guilt, withdrawal, liberation, to name only these few.
There is also lots of cliches attached to the concept of a breakup. How many times have we heard the "it's not you it's me" expression... 
Boring. Nobody, I mean nobody has ever been satisfied with this kind of explanation.
Some people (mostly girls) say that guys have it easy. Usually when they end a relationship, they are probably already in another one, or when they get dumped, they will probably just go out more often, pick up some random girl, have sex and then everything will be forgotten in a heartbeat. 
The same people who think that (again, mostly girls) are persuaded that a girl has it much much harder. In their minds, a girl when she is done with her boyfriend, will take ages to actually breakup with the guy in hopes he will change, or the passion and love will come back. When she actually leaves the guy, she will be more sad than the guy who will be dumped and she will feel a lot of guilt for weeks at least or months. On the other hand, when it's the girl that is being dumped, she will spend months crying on the phone to her girlfriends, eating Haagen Daz and watching every romantic comedy Hollywood, Bollywood or even Paris has ever produced. 
This is the kind of cliche that has been inseminated in our brains, especially by all these serie B romantic comedies.
Nowadays, I don't think that we can actually still believe that. To put it simply and to follow this cliche theory, a lot of guys are behaving like a cliche girl when faced with a breakup and a lot of girls are behaving like a cliche guy when faced with the same situation. 
A breakup is mostly, feelings aside, a break and a brutal change in your life. Suddenly, the life that you expected and imagined is no longer possible. People have to adapt and we all know that the human being is the most adaptable creature on earth. Still! It sucks, I mean it's bad! 
Obviously when you have spent many years with that person, the sudden change is going to be harder to digest and actually accept. Many exs sleep with one another for months, even for years after actually breaking up, only to fill that hole that solitude carved in their hearts (melodramatic much !!). But of course their is drama. When feelings and change are involved, there is always drama. Part of our nature, I don't care who you are or how you express it. 
Then, there is the much shorter, passionate relationships. These are tricky because everything goes beyond well for a short while and then boom, something happens and you can't recover from it. When actually breaking up from an intense, short relationship, the withdrawal factor comes into play and passion and love is a hell of a drug. Most people need several sessions of detox and even family and friends intervention to get through. And meeting someone else right away helps, but it's definitely not a solution, we all know that. Again this applies for guys and girls... Trust me.
How about the rebound relationship. Well a rebound has qualities: you fetch someone that's completely different from your ex and hopefully that person will actually show you that you can love again, that it's still possible and that you are not doomed after a breakup. Unfortunately, a rebound has its side effects. Even thought you go for a completely different person, you cannot help comparing both relationships and this my friends leads to no good... You try to replace and still act the same with a completely different person which will only bring out frustrations and incompatibility. 
Finally, the no strings attached recurrent sexual relationship. As I said before, the human being adapts very quickly to a certain routine or habit. Remove said routine and you are back at it, feeling lonely and unsatisfied. We all love attention and we all love companionship.

I will finish by stating another cliche, but this one, I strongly believe in: only time heals the wounds. A breakup is a wound that is curable. It is not the end and you have to allow time to work its magic. Everybody is different. Some might need more time then others. Some wounds are deeper then others. When you heal, you won't notice it at first, but you will know it when you fall back in love with a person that loves you back.

And how do you deal with breakups? Move on to a rebound? Suffer with pounds of the best cookie dough ice cream, the latest Ryan Gosling chick flick? Endless quantities of Jameson shots? Go on. Share. 
PS. You can remain anonymous! 


S.