Sunday, 22 December 2013

Feeling the Holiday Blues...

Don't get me wrong. I love the Holidays. One is never too old for Santa!
I have often been told that you can tell what mood I am in just by reading the posts that I publish. It's Sunday. It's been a long week. Do excuse me. But you know what they say, better to be real than a piece of plastic! (Thats not really what they say, I totally invented that, but hey, it's true!)

No one ever likes to show a strand of weakness, being emotional, feeling down, feeling under the weather seems to always be frowned upon. Boys when they are young are told not to cry, that it makes them look like wimps, as with girls, we keep on being told “Big Girls Don’t Cry”. We have been taught to hide our emotions, to show only the good stuff, to fake it if we must. Just take a look at your Facebook newsfeed. It always seems to be positive, except for the occasional “Attention Seeker” who would write something like “What a shit day today”, who we all seem to judge as the said “Attention Seeker”. When we are feeling low, we hide it. We say all is good. We pretend. We can all be great actors, some better than others, some more trained than others.

Sunday, 1 December 2013

Why do women want what they can't have?

Hey, if I was going to use an Adam & Eve picture, mind as well use a cool one!
The age old question  that continues to bother me. Why do women want what they can't have? And when I say age old, I truly mean it. Look at Adam & Eve. I am sure most of you remember the story of Adam and Eve. God said, yo don't eat that fruit, it's bad for you. Then the snake was like, go eat it, it will make you smart like God. Both Adam and Eve couldn't resist the beauty of that delicious apple on the tree and BOOM! 

They ate the forbidden fruit. 

Sunday, 24 November 2013

What turns men off!


For my loyal readers, I'm sorry that I haven't written sooner, I have been doing lots of introspection, lots of working on "me". I have been spending time with the important people in my life, filtering out the ones that aren't. I have also started writing a novel which should be ready by Summer 2014 - all good things to come! So sometimes it's nice to stop being so serious and have a little fun - and this is what this post is all about - some fun stuff!

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

It can be a long way home...

It was a stormy evening, rain gushed to the ground, thunder and lightning kept all the children awake grabbing on to their teddy and we sat in the dark, listening to the rain fall. The silence was peaceful, all tears had fallen and we needed a break. The silence we shared must have lasted 30 seconds but felt like a lifetime.  I had poured out my heart, and you just sat there, silent.

As joyful moments played in my head, as evenings in the park playing on the swings, just the two of us like we were the only 2 in the world were part of my fondest memories, they were slowly disappearing, slowly becoming part of a past I never wanted to think of anymore. I could still smell your cologne on my sweater, still feel your touch on my hand, still hear your laugh that seemed to make everything better. I didn’t want to remember any of it. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and stay there, stay put and never open my eyes. When did it all go wrong? When did the laughs turn in to arguments, and the smell become nothing but an odor I had once known and had wanted on my pillow every waking moment.

As I dragged myself out of the room, and back into my car. I took the long way home, through the city, through different towns. I wasn’t ready to be home yet. Before I left, I turned to say good bye to a life I had once always wanted, to a life I never wanted to see again. I knew I was doing the right thing. I knew this is what I needed to do to ultimately be happy.

 They say – if you are strong enough to say good bye, you will be rewarded with a new hello. In my mind, that day would never come. But as of now, I needed to be sane again. I needed to breathe again. I was lost. I needed to me again.

We easily get lost in patterns and routine and find it quite hard to find our way back. It may take months, years, a lifetime to finally know and understand who you are. You make mistakes. Fall for people that aren’t right for you and continually search for that right person you can share your love with. I speak for myself when I say that I have so much love to give and waiting for the right person to give it to. But in the mean time, we stumble. We learn. We forget our priorities. We forget what we stand for, just for that moment of love. This is when I see so many women in tough situations, with people that aren’t right for them just because they want to love and want to be loved in return.

The funny thing is that...

Love is just part of the equation. Love is the glue but you need the right pieces of the puzzle to keep that glue strong, or else one day, with too much friction, with 2 pieces of puzzle don’t really fit, the glue will come undone (like my metaphor? Yeah. I am not too sure either.. but you get where I’m going). 

The quest for this match can be quite tough, but what I’m slowly learning is that it isn't a quest at all when you have really found the love inside you. I might repeat this on a regular basis. And don't get me wrong, I know it sounds cheesy as heck. But I guess I need to remind myself of it sometimes too. Being lost, forgetting who we are, and forgetting what we stand for is all part of the process into ultimately becoming the real person we are meant to become.

I believe that some paths take longer. We hit the detours, we take the wrong way, we take the scenic route home, driving through the city, stopping by dangerous cliffs, hidden streets, dark alleys but ultimately we do find it. You might get into an accident, but think of it as a good thing. A thing that that will allow you to put yourself right back where you should be going! Thank that damn person that hit you. They did it for your own good. 

Ask for a lift, get back on the right path and finally be able to say : HONEY! I’M HOME!

N


Monday, 14 October 2013

What am I thankful for?

I am thankful that the biggest problem of my day is finding a good apple crumble recipe for my Thanksgiving dinner tonight.

I am thankful that I am not quite sure what will happen to me in the next few years (let alone next few months) and I'm OK with that.

I am thankful for my local library that allowed me to rent Entourage and Californication. Just finished Entourage. I cried like a baby.

I am thankful for Disney. Yes. I said it. Especially Aladdin and Lion King.

I am thankful for my friend G. who moved to Toronto not long ago, but takes the time to call me from time to time to make sure I am doing good and to check up on me.

I am thankful for the blow dryer. and the round brush. Nuff said.

I am thankful for my friend L. & G. who always know how to make me smile and snap be back to reality when they think I'm out of line. Doesn't mean I will really listen to them, but I'm still thankful that I have friends that care enough to tell me when I'm being ridiculous.

I am thankful for my Grapefruit Perrier. I just love that stuff.

I am thankful for my job that has allowed to grow as a Digital Marketer, a consultant, a person. I am mostly thankful for my old boss L. that pushed me to succeed, that taught me more in 8 months than I have ever learned in my life.

I am thankful for chocolate. Brownies. Chocolate bars. Chocolate fondue with bananas. So damn thankful.

I am thankful for early morning coffees with special people.

I am thankful for Motown. Motown has taught me to feel.

I am thankful for fall. I can't help but always look outside and be wowed by the beautiful leaves. I have been looking at them for 29 years, and I am still taken aback by the beauty.

I am thankful for my family, who is ALWAYS there for me. No matter what. Who will come bring me a dress to wear to an event along with a bag of soup when I'm not feeling well, who will cook me good food when I'm too lazy to make my own ;)

I am thankful for my body, which hasn't always been what I wanted it to be, but which I am becoming happy with. It's all about the curves :)

I am thankful for cheesy romantic comedies that make me cry, laugh and maybe make me lose a couple brain cells.

I am thankful for my health, which hasn't always been stellar, but which is now good. I have learned that if you don't have your health, nothing else matters.

I am thankful for Amy's Kitchen Burritos - my lunch drug.

I am thankful for warm October days - like yesterday, when I tanned in my bikini on my balcony.

I am thankful for an Old Fashioned - Hey. I'm not perfect. A lil whiskey with a lil zest. Yumm.

I am thankful for my Starlight Halloween Soiree team who are working their ass off to put on a great event on October 25 for the Fondation Starlight Quebec. (you should come - get your tickets here or donate to the cause: STARLIGHT. This cause helps sick children by providing wishes, zootherapy, art therapy, time with their parents, or anything they can do to put a smile on a child's face. Every kid deserves to be a kid!

I am thankful for NYC - a city that I have a constant love hate relationship with.

I am thankful for having a decent fanbase for this blog, and great comments and questions. I respect your opinion so thank you!

So tell me - what is something you're thankful for? 

N.

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

10 things I learned while single


I have decided to try a another podcast type where I am the only one talking!But this time, nothing has really been written out except for my main ideas so you really get candid Natalie.

The video is only about 9min long.
Really easy to listen to from your phone or computer while you're getting ready for bed or even a day at the office!!! :)

Enjoy! And if you learned anything while being single, please share!!!


Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Confessions of a Social Butterfly

Being alone is hard to portray unless it's a selfie. But this was the best I could do! (And yes its me!)
On my lunch break, I usually stick around the office, or meet up with a friend for lunch. But today, unlike the usual, I decided to take some time on my own, I left my phone at the office and I walked around. And boy did it feel good. 

As a teen and early 20s, I never really understood the need for time on my own and always made sure to be busy every single night of the week. Of course, when I was in school, I wasn't allowed to do much at night, but I always met up with friends at cafes to "study". Yeah you know what I'm talking about. Those "studying" days at the cafe where the only studying that was being done was looking at the boys, studying the gossip of the week and sometimes studying for that International Affairs class I had. Maybe. 

Monday, 26 August 2013

How Disney screwed me up

For all long as I can remember, I have been a Disney fan. Not just a small Disney fan, but a hardcore fan. I can probably recite every single word in Aladdin, including songs: Prince Ali fabulous he Ali-Ababoua (I seriously wrote that as it sounds...) "TEN THOUSAND YEARS can give you such a crick in the neck!" Those Genie words. PRICELESS. How amazing was that movie? How romantic is that magic carpet ride? A whole new world! So magical, so beautiful, so dreamy. I'm sure every 10 year old boy had a crush on Jasmine. "Do you trust me?" AWW. 



Sunday, 11 August 2013

You are the Queen - Act like it.

Hope you all had an amazing weekend! Mine was... eventful. As always. If I was anonymous, and no one knew who I was, and I could just write about whatever, boy would I have some interesting stories for you. Now I have to cover them up in "well written thoughts" camouflaged by a little blabla, some words of wisdom and friends' personal experiences intertwined with my own. Yes I admit. I don't want my public stuff out there. So. Without giving too much detail of my weekend, let's just say I fell upon an interesting situation that now makes me feel like a powerful person again.

I am not talking about powerful like a politician here, or like Zeus. But more like "in control of my shit" powerful. I think as women, we should always be "in control of our shit".

Monday, 22 July 2013

The men we love, hate and can’t live without

Like seriously the best quote ever.
It would be safe to say that all women have come across a man in their lives that has made them think, do, react in ways only crazy people do. We love them, we hate them but we can’t live without them! And no matter how much we know we are being so ridiculous, we can’t help but stay in the situation that we are in, feel the way we feel, suffer the way we are suffering. In these cases, your brain takes the back seat and your heart is on full speed, driving down the Autobahn like a boss, waiting to get into some kind of accident.

I sympathize with you women because I am just like you. I might be great to sit here and sometimes try to advise you on what are the best decisions to take, whether it’s not to settle, to be happy before you can be happy with someone, or to drop it like it’s hot when you feel disrespected – but let me tell you, when it comes to matters of the heart, of my own heart, my heart can be stupid as shit, and all the right ways to think are thrown out the window.

We all have our reasons to accept weird man behavior, and have reasons to stay around them. We keep the hope alive. Hope that he will come around, change, because he has so many other great things to offer, right? I think we each have that little voice inside of us that says – WOMAN. Get the F*&% out. But we like what we can’t have, we like the men that drive us crazy, that make us run a little, that don’t give it all. The ones we need to work for…

Without giving out too many details of my own private life – I too got hooked and for those that may have been following my blog for a while would remember a big heartbreak I had a couple years ago – He Taught Me To Be Stronger.

I also got hooked more recently and had been fighting to move on for quite some time. There were so many signs from the beginning that this was something I needed to stay away from, but I jumped in anyways. My heart took over and my brain was left on the side of the road. I believed in something more, I believed that I needed to go right to the end of it, to see what this was all about. And that's exactly what I did. I did everything in my power to get him. I did it blindly.

I overlooked the big challenges, the rough beginnings, the drama, the things I didn't like about him, the way I felt. My friends were telling me that I had lost my sparkle, that sparkle was like my mojo and I felt I had lost it when he came into my life. I was so concerned, so insecure, so worried that I just stopped being me, and started to become this morbid version of myself that people around me were slowly realizing. I wasn't me anymore. I wasn't thinking like me anymore.

I overlooked anything negative (even though there were a few things that didn't quite work right) and I went forward with my heart, hoping for a better outcome, hoping for that romantic love story with a man that had swept me off my feet. With these blind eyes, I kept the hope alive that he would fall, that he would look at me with googly eyes, that he would want me and only me. But as time went by, this idea was slowly becoming a fantasy. And I stayed around him even though I knew he didn't want anything more, but mostly because having him in my life was much better than not having him at all. However, I realized how much this was hurting me and my best solution was to completely let go and get happy again. The number of times my friends tried to step in and shake me and tell me N. What are you doing to yourself? Oh I knew what I was doing to myself, I knew I was going to get hurt, I knew it all. But I was hoping. Blindly hoping - wanting my own fairy tale.
  
I realized that the article I had written about being stronger - I hadn't put any of it into practice. I returned to square one with him, dealing with the same issues I had dealt with back then. Had I not learned anything? Had I really failed my test again? Well yes I did fail the test, but I learned so much. This man has taught me so much, more than he knows. That will probably be for another post! And that's what these experiences do, they teach us. It's important to figure out that lesson and try not to repeat it. Because that's how life works - they send you a series of tests that you need to pass, and if you fail, they send you the test again! I'm sure I will be faced with this test again, and hopefully the next time around I will have the tools to pass it with flying colors!

You read this, and you could think: ah what a jerk, what a retard, what a ****. We are quick to blame the men – OH THE ASSHOLE. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes he really is the asshole and I give you full liberty to scream it out loud on all rooftops. But we should be the ones to blame too in this, because we are accepting something that we shouldn't. We underestimate how freaking AWESOME we are and that we don’t need anyone making us feel shitty. We need to use our heads a little – put that heart in the back seat and make rational decisions for our own happiness.

My mom always told me : N. you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. And she’s damn right. I am damn amazing. You are all damn amazing. We deserve the world, we deserve a pure and good love, we deserve it all and we better not forget that! 

N.

Friday, 28 June 2013

The Best One Night Stand Ever

You are at a bar, it's late, long week you had. Your boss was demanding, you went to bed late all week. You need a drink. The place is packed and you are sipping your gin & tonic, Hendriks of course. The cucumber is still resting in your glass, you are gazing around the room, not particularly looking for anything special, but looking nonetheless. Who is here? You are in a happy mood, but nothing out of the ordinary. And through all the noise and people around you, eyes are looking back at you, but just a glance and just for a quick second.

You continue on your merry way, the eyes seem to disappear in the crowd and you finish your Hendriks you have been sipping for quite some time. You move closer to the bar, leaving your friends at the small table they have kept for their purses and other accessories they don't feel like wearing. I am talking about small jackets, scarfs you name it. We love that little table, even though we don't sit, it serves as our own personal coat check.

You make your way to the crowded bar, the lights are dimmed low and you can make out a few familiar faces of people you have seen before, but nothing out of the ordinary. Ordering at the bar becomes a drag. So many people and you can't seem to get the bartenders attention. and suddenly, a stranger, out of nowhere, leans in to the bar next to you. He towers over you, even though you are wearing your sexiest heels.

Who is this handsome piece of man?

But without giving off any signal, you find yourself with another Hendriks being offered to you, and he mutters something like:

Did the lady want a Hendriks? Flashing his million dollar smile. Ugh. Are you in a movie or something?

He's cute, but nothing out of the ordinary, but his smile is a killer. Why thank you you answer, and you are quite impressed with his slick move. Probably asked the bartender what you were having. And those eyes. Clearly the eyes that were looking at you from the other side of the room. Smooth move bro. Smooth move.

Before you know it, you are talking about how rollerblading is better than biking, and that Spiderman is the ultimate superhero because he's not only geeky, but funny and saves the world using spiderwebs. Both of you mimic your best web throwing technique. Conversation moves on to how you like to bake cakes sometimes and how he loves eating cakes, and that the 2 of you should be always together, bounded by the hip to always eat and bake delicious cakes. Conversation is silly. But you don't care, this piece of man makes you laugh, and right now that's all that matters. It's nothing out of the ordinary, but you are having a great time. You have no idea what he does and you love that.

He chats up with a couple of your friends, tells them that they should stay away from you because you prefer vanilla to chocolate, or that you don't know who Aaron Sorkin is. But neither do they! You chuckle and try to get closer. He turns to you, you talk a little, he takes you to the dance floor pulling some of the wackiest dance moves you have ever seen. You keep on laughing. He kisses you gently. Wow. He kissed you in a bar. Are you 20 again? Maybe. You feel a little jittery but that's OK.

Who is this man? Where does he come from? His name is. Well that's not really important. His name is Funny Interesting Man.

He goes back to his friends, but always keeps his wondering eye. The night is getting late. And he has yet to ask for your number. What do you do? You try to get a little closer to him, but without going up to him of course. You want him to come your way. He finally does. Comes right up to you and says: Wanna get out of here? You think a little. "Do I want this? Yeah definitely. I want this." You nod without seeming too into it. He pulled a little Ryan Gosling move, but you don't care. He's pretty awesome.

He brings you to his place, as you are going up the elevator, he kisses you again, but this time, with lots of passion. You get to his home. You have barely walked in. He pulls you in for that killer kiss that will make you undress, forget his name (if you still remember it) and forget your own.

Clothes are everywhere, hands are everywhere. It's not perfect, but it's pretty damn amazing. You both fall asleep naked, spooned in close.

You wake up the next morning. And chitchat in bed, exchange your favorite songs, laughs and maybe a little morning sex. Both of you seem to not want to leave the bed. Once your feet get off that bed, it's back to the real life again. He tells you that he has a brunch with some friends from out of town. You take a quick shower together. It's kinda sexy. You wash each other's bodies and continue to laugh some more. You leave his place. He kisses you goodbye, takes your number. Will you hear from him again? Maybe. Maybe not. Wow. What was this?

It was just a good moment. A good moment in time. The. Best. One Night Stand. Ever. And completely out of the ordinary.

N.

I decided to change it up a little and write a fictional short story (taken from one night stands moments in the lives of friends...) let me know your thoughts!


Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Friendship after Sex : Is it possible?




I am not talking about that random drunken one night stand you had with your good friend 10 years ago when you were drunk in university, nor am I am talking about any random sex adventures you had because you were lonely, it just happened or some other excuse you can come up with. I am talking about having some kind of sex numerous times with the same person on several occasions. Yes. Several occasions here is important, because I don’t care if you had a wild night, day and evening with the same person numerous times, but that this only happened once. I’m thinking you get the just of what I’m trying to say. Is it possible to have a normal decent platonic friendship with this person once you have seen them naked? The short answer to this, in my opinion, is no.


Of course, there are a few exceptions to the rule of some people that were able to put the crazy wild kinky nights of sex to bed (word choice seemed appropriate) and be friends, but these cases are rare. Already the topic of male/female friendships is a very sensitive one and not many people believe that you can actually be friends with the opposite sex (unless you are into people of the same sex of course), so you can believe that the question if a male/female who have already shared this intimacy together can actually be friends is an even more complicated one.

 I believe that once you have been attracted to a person in a sexual way, it’s hard to put that attractiveness aside. Once you have had sex with a person, it becomes very easy to have sex with that person again. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure many of you can tell me that you are friends with past flings, but take a VERY GOOD look at that relationship, is it real friendship? Would it be possible that on a drunken night together, and you are both single, both a little “in the mood” that you would be able to resist each other? Especially when you probably know the person quite well. You have already seen them naked, you have already done things to them that you wouldn’t want most people to know about, it’s easy, it’s known territory. Would you really be able to not go through with it? I am not too sure. If you have any doubts. Well then no. This person isn’t a REAL friend. 

The definition of “friend” might differ from one person to another and can be used loosely, but for me, a friend is having someone there for you, that you can talk to, about all kinds of things and wouldn’t even think twice about getting into bed with you. That for me is a REAL friend. Once those thoughts take over, then it gets tricky and someone will always wound up hurt (unless both feel the same of course!)

Then we question – can you be friends with someone, AND have sex with them? Well, we all know what that is – f*** buddies (yes I am trying to stay polite). But the issue with these types of buddies is that this works short term, not really long term. Because someone ALWAYS falls for the other. When you become so comfortable with someone, you develop feelings and well, we all know what happens next. It’s either mutual and boom. You’re a couple. OR. It’s not. And someone needs to walk. It’s not healthy to keep people in our life where the relationship can’t really be defined. Don’t get me wrong. We all have these types of relationships in our lives, I guess it keeps it spicy, but do we really NEED them. No.

So it’s fair to say that the possibility of being able to be friends with a past fling is quite hard. Yes, I’m sure you can see each other at different events, be acquaintances, but actually maintain a proper “tell me your problems”, “lets have dinner together” friendship, I think it’s really difficult. It happens. Sort of. But in my opinion, you can never unsee someone you saw naked many times, and especially if you were willing to go back for more. The chances that you still would want more are there too.

So, whats your opinion about this? Do you think you can have a real friendship after sex? Weigh in. Let me know what you think!

On that note, toodles!
N.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Why do women like unavailable men?

Here is a post by a male contributor H. He has already written for my blog.. and I decided I would have to let him write again! H. is a little more vulgar than I am.. and I'm sorry H. but I just had to make some changes to the text. I do have grannies reading my blog you know!! 

The acting in this photo is actually extraordinary. 2 thumbs up.

Like I've said before, I think I'm not a good writer and that's why I don't do it often and it’s probably the only area where I lack of confidence. (H. If you don't practice, you can never get better... I don't judge!!)  I wanted to talk about this subject for a while because most of my girl friends get into this situation and always ask why? Well here it is!

Why is that you're so into married man, engaged man and any man who’s not available? I would say there are 2 main answers to that question, of course I’m no god (well almost) but here’s what I personally think and what I’ve could observed over the years.

The first answer would be that you just don’t want to get involved, I mean deep down inside and YES you have daddy issues, you all do! This answer would probably apply to most of you that get into these types of “relationships” in a repetitive way. If you know you don’t want to get into a serious relationship, fine with me, but don’t complain about it when he calls his wife or girl friend instead of you. So my advice here, if you always get into that vortex of engaged man, get a good shrink and work on that “engagement” issue.

The second part of the answer would be mostly towards what I like to call the “princess factor”. A married man will consider you like some fresh meat, yes a piece of ass, which he can call and get into from time to time. After eating pizza for a while, a new topping is always something fun. So for this man you’re just a toy and what we like to do with toys, well we like to play. And this is where it gets interesting and why you’re so hooked on this type of relation. Every minute this man will be with you, all he will think about, is the moment he will get you in bed. So yes, he will take you out to restaurants, events, have wine, talk, laugh AND get you naked... All of this is fun, because when he’s with you he’s 110% there and will do everything to get to his goal. There it is, the “princess factor” you can just feel it; it’s not with this guy that you will spend a Saturday night in your PJs watching a movie with no makeup. You do those kind of things with a boyfriend and HE does all of this with his wife, it probably won’t ever happen with you because he always has a “schedule” with you. He has to go back home eventually.

I know all situations are different and yes he MIGHT leave his wife for you, but trust me this isn’t a movie, it doesn’t happen often and it’s easier to get a new toy, than to get divorced and lose a shit load of money. So my advice here would be to get your shit together and get yourself a shrink if you have daddy issues. So you can stop being just a toy, because you’re a unique person that deserves 100% of someone just as good as you.

So now I turn my question over to you, have you dated unavailable men? Why do you think you did it? Do you have a different opinion than H.? Share it!

H. 

Saturday, 1 June 2013

Dealing with multi-dating!



Summer is back! It's "Take out those hot heels, pretty summer dresses" time! Time to sip glasses of wine with friends on a terrace, time to soak in the rays, sit by the pool, by the lake, or where ever you want to sit by, time to pull out your bike, rollerblades, hiking, running or walking shoes, time to get your butt out there are start meeting men, women whatever floats your boat. I don't judge!

When it comes to summer and dating, I encourage it all the way. See many people. Taste the fish in the sea. Experience and live it up! 

BUT.

When does it become not right to still be seeing 2-3-4 people at the same time? When is it ok to do so? What are the limits? How to manage a few men or women at the same time? These questions I find quite interesting. 

I am in the line of thought that it's OK to see a few people at the same time, to date not more than 2, and then of course a relationship is just with 1. That's my idea of what I can accept. BUT. Of course, the trick is. No one should know about the other someones. The result is horrid. We always want to be the most special in someone's life. 

"I don't mind being someone's #2" - Said no one ever. (Unless it's a polygamist society or something...!)

Even when we are casually seeing a person, we don't want to know about the other person's conquests. We don't want to know that they are sleeping with a few other women, or going on dates with other women, or chatting with other women. And. we certainly don't want them communicating with these other women while we are around! 

You meet a beautiful man at Burgundy Lion on Wednesday night. He's cool, fun, funny, has great friends, thinks you're hot stuff. You guys talk, go on a couple dates. It's very casual, but still romantic. You decide to spend a day at the park, biking, walking, ice cream, lunch or whatever with this guy. And then you notice that he's texting other women, with you there. 

Are you allowed to be upset? It's casual right? He doesn't owe you anything really. Except for respect. So yes. Hells yes you should be upset. 

When spending time with someone special, it's only respect not to text other women that he may be seeing, dating, sleeping with, or other. His attention should be focused on you, and only you. And maybe a couple guy friends he texts telling them how AWESOME you are :)

Come to think of it. 

In my opinion, we have the right to be upset, but the fact that this other person is communicating with other people while with you means that "he's just not that into you", or "she's just not that into you". If they were, they wouldn't even THINK to communicate with other people, they would be enjoying your company so much, your laugh, your personality, and would want to spend as much time as possible getting close to you, instead of maintaining some kind of contact with other prospects. 

And of course, you would be doing the same, putting the other men that you are sorta kinda seeing on hold while spending time with this one. Enjoy to the fullest the time together. 

I even asked a friend of mine who was seeing a few men: So, when you are with F., do you ever text S. or T.? She told me NO! But when I'm with T., I do text F. So I asked her...Why? She answered very simply.. because I like F. more than T. 

"Sorry Hun, you're cool, but not enough for me to stop communicating with other people while I'm with you". That's the message I'm getting if someone were to do that to me. Ouch. 

Do you agree? I am sure that other people have different opinions about this subject. Do you REALLY think it's OK to communicate with other people while you are on a date with another? Or while you are spending quality time together? Since it's casual, anything goes? Let me know what you think!

So for this summer - make sure to spend time with people that put you as their PRIORITY, not their option!

Happy "LOOK HOT FEEL HOT BE HOT" Summer!

N. 

Monday, 20 May 2013

I like you, but not really, but kinda

I got a question to ask you. Yes you. I am talking to the single men and ladies out there. When was the last time that you didn't have a single love interest on your mind or in your life? I can't really speak for men here, but in the case of women, I would say NEVER. We are always thinking about somebody, whether he be the right or wrong person for us. We need it. 

Since my elementary school days, when I used to play outside with my buddies, we played kick ball at recess, I had my eye on the cutest boy in the world, his name was John (names have been changed). John was the cutest boy in school. I was so shy around him that I had invited everyone to my birthday party, and just kept his invitation in my backpack till 1 day before the event because i was too shy to give it to him! After John, came Frank. Frank was the funniest boy, but was sadly "seeing" my best friend at the time. So much for that. And then. And then. And I can keep on naming all the different boys I had crushes on up until this day. There is NOT one period in my life where there wasn't one. Some have lasted longer than others and I just think it was because I hadn't met someone new yet. You know. After 2 years of having a crush on someone. 

Awaye N. 

Get over it and move on the next! 

Come On. No?

But I believe we have this need to love and be loved, this need to think of someone when we go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning, the need to fantasize about someone - even though that this person is probably not the right person for you. Now. How do we know? How do we know if this person is right or wrong and that we are just still hung up on them for no good reason? I think you just know it. Close your eyes and picture yourself with this person in 10 years from now? Is it real? Can you see yourself? Be honest with yourself. Or have you tried everything? Have you gone to the end of what you 2 can be and well it doesn't really work out.. well then you know! 

So why do we have so much trouble realizing that this person isn't right, and move on to the next? Fear of loneliness? Fear of feeling alone? Maybe.

I will share a little insider on my life - I met a man a few years ago, and for 3 years. I wanted him. I had met a few other men in the process, but my feelings and thoughts always went back to him. And then one day, we spent the weekend together, and at that point, I just knew. I knew this was no longer going to work out. (Frankly, the story is more complicated here, but I'm just speaking about my feelings towards him). So after that weekend, I was sure that this wasn't the person I wanted, but I stayed caught up for an extra year before meeting someone new and who allowed me to completely detach myself from this person for good.

That extra year was simply there because I hadn't yet met anyone better. I still thought of him everyday, all the time, even though I knew that there was no outcome to this. The funny thing, is that I don't think we always realize it, realize that we are caught up on the wrong person. And even if we do. We feel happier knowing that we at least have SOMEONE to think of, to spend time with, instead of no one. Because how depressing would that be to have absolutely no one to think of? We are too emotional, we have too much love to give to just not give it to anyone!

This same can also be applicable to relationships. We happen to stick around with someone just because we have no one better. And. I can't say how many times I say this. But. THIS IS SETTLING!!! Re-read my piece on Tough Decisions - that's how you will find better :)

So, I'm not saying that we should stop liking the people we like even though we don't REALLY like them. I think it's just important to be conscious about it and not waste time or energy on something that you don't think will go anywhere. Harness that energy into something else, like a hobby or something!

I would love to get your opinion on why people just like people for the sake of liking! Tell me what you think! I love to hear from you!

On that note, have a great day off (for those that are off)!

N.

(Special shout out to G. for inspiring me to write about this - yes G. is my silent contributor that you will start to hear more from in the future!)

Sunday, 12 May 2013

What is a good friendship?

First of all, I want to thank everyone that gave me their input on the "Voice over Blog" thing I tried last week. In the future, I will be doing something sorta similar, but instead of reading my own blog, I will have discussions. Discussions about different blog-related subjects. Usually with a special guest! So, if there is anything you want me to talk about, let me know! AND, if you want to be my special guest, that can be arranged too. I can be reached in the comments below or via my Facebook page: What it feels like for a girl (If you don't LIKE the page, well LIKE it already!!) I know we are all dealing with issues of the heart so someone's got to talk about it!

Ok, now on to the subject of the week....

This weekend, I was subject to a few particular situations that didn't really involve me, but that I became aware of. I have written about this before, but it seems to come up so often with so many people, that I can't help but express my opinion. All events lead to this question: What is a good friendship?

We have all heard the saying - you can only count your true friends on your 5 fingers. The really good ones that you can call at any time in the morning and that will be there for you. The ones that will rush to the hospital on a Saturday night if something happens to you, the ones that will help you move your entire apartment, the ones that will just be there. I truly believe that people with those friendships are the lucky ones. 

A friendship is basically like a couple relationship without the attraction and the sex. It's based on the same principles of trust, love, generosity, care, good times, not always so good times and everything in between. That's how I see it. You need to nurture that relationship, spend time with that person, strengthen the bond. These friendships can last a lifetime. 

But sometimes not. 

Not to sound too pessimistic, but like any type of relationship, we grow a part, we change, our interests change, we don't get along and sometimes we still remain friends just for the sake of time. By time I mean, we are friends with someone because well, we have been friends with them forever, and not necessarily because we have a strong bond with that person anymore. 

But I have seen that some of the friendships you would think are the strongest, just fall a part. I have seen some really heartbreaking stuff. 20 years relationships, torn to shreds. I wonder if we don't work as hard to keep a friendship as we would a relationship. I wonder if at the sign of a trouble, instead of working it out, and believing in that 20 year friendship, we toss it to the side. Do we give up too easily?  

I have been analyzing that question all evening, pondering on what we are becoming as people. Are we too individualistic? Have we been taught to not accept someone to mistreat us at all, and at the sign of the slightest issue, we push away, thinking that it's in our best interest? 

Don't get me wrong though, if you don't want that person in your life because they don't bring you any good, well so be it, take your distance. But. when the going gets tough, I think we should spend more time fixing the issue instead of throwing it away. No one is perfect, and no one always says or does the right things. I do believe in filtering the friends you don't need in your life, but when it comes to those really good ones that have stuck by you through thick and thin, don't they deserve another chance? 

All in all to say - when you have those good friends, keep them close, and if they should make mistakes, before exiting them out of your lives, I think we need to really work at fixing the problem. I think we were put in this world for that specific reason, to deal with people, to live in society and build relationships. So let's do that! Keep that good friendship! 

Have a great week yall!

N.




Sunday, 5 May 2013

Making those tough decisions...


Want to listen to it instead? Listen here! (This is a trial - let me know what you think!)
As I sit on my balcony in this beautiful weather, gazing at the trees in full bloom, listening to the birds and kids play in the street (yes I live in quite the residential area…), I smile. I smile because of the sun, the heat on my skin (finally. Damn was that winter long). I smile because there are just things I can't control so why frown. I smile because I need to. I smile because there is no point on dwelling on the past, and only worth looking forward from now on. I am listening to some soulful Erykah Badu who is a soul goddess. And I’m starting to feel fine. Finally.

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

The Truth About Breakups


I love blog contributors. Why you ask? Because they bring in a new perspective that isn't my own and I love hearing it! So, not only is this a new contributor, but he's also a MAN! WOOHOOO! Let's call him S. So here's S. on breakups! Make sure to comment below and give him feedback!
How do people manage breakups, whether you are a girl, a guy, the one that left, or the one that has been dumped. Whether it was a long relationship, a short (but intense) one, whether it was a rebound, a purely sexual relationship with no strings attached (yes I consider this also a breakup and you are lying to yourself if you do not think the same) or an unhealthy relationship that you end up craving more than anything for no particular rational reason.
This is the question I’ve been asking myself these past few months and I wish to share my thoughts with you guys and especially read your comments on same.
Let's start with the obvious: everybody is different so everybody will have a different reaction when faced with a breakup. This is evidently true, but I could nevertheless notice that all these reactions have several feelings in common: sadness, guilt, withdrawal, liberation, to name only these few.
There is also lots of cliches attached to the concept of a breakup. How many times have we heard the "it's not you it's me" expression... 
Boring. Nobody, I mean nobody has ever been satisfied with this kind of explanation.
Some people (mostly girls) say that guys have it easy. Usually when they end a relationship, they are probably already in another one, or when they get dumped, they will probably just go out more often, pick up some random girl, have sex and then everything will be forgotten in a heartbeat. 
The same people who think that (again, mostly girls) are persuaded that a girl has it much much harder. In their minds, a girl when she is done with her boyfriend, will take ages to actually breakup with the guy in hopes he will change, or the passion and love will come back. When she actually leaves the guy, she will be more sad than the guy who will be dumped and she will feel a lot of guilt for weeks at least or months. On the other hand, when it's the girl that is being dumped, she will spend months crying on the phone to her girlfriends, eating Haagen Daz and watching every romantic comedy Hollywood, Bollywood or even Paris has ever produced. 
This is the kind of cliche that has been inseminated in our brains, especially by all these serie B romantic comedies.
Nowadays, I don't think that we can actually still believe that. To put it simply and to follow this cliche theory, a lot of guys are behaving like a cliche girl when faced with a breakup and a lot of girls are behaving like a cliche guy when faced with the same situation. 
A breakup is mostly, feelings aside, a break and a brutal change in your life. Suddenly, the life that you expected and imagined is no longer possible. People have to adapt and we all know that the human being is the most adaptable creature on earth. Still! It sucks, I mean it's bad! 
Obviously when you have spent many years with that person, the sudden change is going to be harder to digest and actually accept. Many exs sleep with one another for months, even for years after actually breaking up, only to fill that hole that solitude carved in their hearts (melodramatic much !!). But of course their is drama. When feelings and change are involved, there is always drama. Part of our nature, I don't care who you are or how you express it. 
Then, there is the much shorter, passionate relationships. These are tricky because everything goes beyond well for a short while and then boom, something happens and you can't recover from it. When actually breaking up from an intense, short relationship, the withdrawal factor comes into play and passion and love is a hell of a drug. Most people need several sessions of detox and even family and friends intervention to get through. And meeting someone else right away helps, but it's definitely not a solution, we all know that. Again this applies for guys and girls... Trust me.
How about the rebound relationship. Well a rebound has qualities: you fetch someone that's completely different from your ex and hopefully that person will actually show you that you can love again, that it's still possible and that you are not doomed after a breakup. Unfortunately, a rebound has its side effects. Even thought you go for a completely different person, you cannot help comparing both relationships and this my friends leads to no good... You try to replace and still act the same with a completely different person which will only bring out frustrations and incompatibility. 
Finally, the no strings attached recurrent sexual relationship. As I said before, the human being adapts very quickly to a certain routine or habit. Remove said routine and you are back at it, feeling lonely and unsatisfied. We all love attention and we all love companionship.

I will finish by stating another cliche, but this one, I strongly believe in: only time heals the wounds. A breakup is a wound that is curable. It is not the end and you have to allow time to work its magic. Everybody is different. Some might need more time then others. Some wounds are deeper then others. When you heal, you won't notice it at first, but you will know it when you fall back in love with a person that loves you back.

And how do you deal with breakups? Move on to a rebound? Suffer with pounds of the best cookie dough ice cream, the latest Ryan Gosling chick flick? Endless quantities of Jameson shots? Go on. Share. 
PS. You can remain anonymous! 


S. 


Friday, 19 April 2013

Like what you read? Why don't you listen!



The MissCourey Show - I kinda like the way that sounds. Graduate from a blog to an actual talk show? Why not? Maybe write a book? Maybe create an album. Ok. Well maybe not an album. I don't think you really feel like hearing me sing. But hey, anything can happen! A book is actual a project that I am working on. 

I took my first step towards Talk Show stardom with my friend HmSeb from the Shower. 

This past week I recorded my first podcast with Seb from The Shower! Seb and I met via this blog actually. He became a fan of what I wrote and remained friends! I think he may even be writing a post for my blog soon! He asked me if I could join him on his new English podcast The Shower. I said sure. 

I love to talk. like  LOVE to talk

So the podcast is ready - and you hear me talk about everything relationship wise - scams of life, meeting texting, loving, you name it, I say it. I even talk about the locomotive concept to explain how people should communicate in getting to know each other....

I don't always make sense and sometimes you are like. euh. N. Whatt? Listen, none of this was planned, I didn't really know what direction it was going in. Basically, it's a talk show about relationships

HERE IS THE LINK: 

In all honesty, I suggest you skip through it, start around 7:00 up until 50:00, and then I would listen to the last 9min
So my 2 listening suggestions for today:  

  • The new Ellie Goulding Calvin Harris song (which is so totally awesome...).It's actually a sad song, but with a crazy beat. Totally crazy alone time apartment dancing type song. 
  • My podcast of course - You can listen to the whole thing while working - that works too. Here is the link again, just in case : Listen to MissCourey and HmSeb on The Shower
If you do get around to listening, I talk about a lot of different people in this - no names of course.. but this is what makes it good - I don't only use my own opinion, but others too! I would love to get yours! What do you think of my podcast? Interesting? Boring? Weird? Let me know!

And if you have any ideas for my next post! TELL ME! 

I will surely be doing another podcast soon - just probably not as long! Stay tuned 

Have a nice weekend and good Friday work day! 

N. 

Sunday, 14 April 2013

To Stay In or To Go Out, That is the Question!


As I sat for brunch with a friend today, we discussed our teenage reputations, what were we known as? When someone would think of me, what did they say? My friend quickly answered - N. the girl that was friends with everyone.

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

I Need You

I remember like it were yesterday, the day I started this blog. I was walking home from work, a friend of mine had asked me to go see a movie, but I was more in the mood to go out. I called her to tell her that I felt like going out, but something in her voice wasn't right. I finally decided to go see the movie with her, we had a few laughs, and then I went out. I later found out that her grandfather had passed away a few days earlier and that she wasn't in the mood to do anything else. I was happy that I had made that decision and was there for her when she needed me. At that moment I decided I wanted to write about that. About relationships with people, about people and interactions. I am no where near an expert and I'm not a perfect friend, nor game player, but I have an opinion on pretty much anything!

Sunday, 31 March 2013

Facebook, Texting, Chatting Oh My!

Who is that girl liking all his pictures? Why isn't he texting me back? I see that he saw my message, why is he ignoring me? What does that text mean? I shouldn't write back yet, I need to play hard to get.

Do any of these sentences sound familiar? I'm sure you can recognize yourself in at least one, two, or maybe all of them. Damn Facebook, texting and chatting!

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

He likes me, he likes me not

Have you ever used picked a flowers petal to decide whether a boy liked you?

"He loves me" and removed a petal, "He loves me not" removing another until the entire flower was petalless to only reveal the truth at the last petal. As young girls, we hoped the faith our love life rested in the hands of a flower. As we grew older, we realized that petals wouldn't help us much, and so many more things came into play!

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

The Quest For Love

My title sounds like something pulled right out of an Adventure-science fiction movie. You can imagine a troop of men running through the woods searching for a mythical monster who lays eggs made out of gold. Ok. Maybe you don't imagine that, but I do. When you think "quest", you can think adventure, mission, search, searching for what? Searching for something, that maybe isn't real. Or is it?