Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Infidelity.

Infidelity can have some bad consequences.... haha!
I rented a movie last week with a friend of mine called The Last Night, it's with Kiera Knightley, some very good looking Australian actor, Eva Mendes and a very good looking French actor. The theme. Infidelity. I really enjoyed this movie so if you haven't seen it, I don't want to get too much into detail, but the main character gets involved in an emotional affair with another man, and her husband gets involved in a physical affair with another woman. What is worse? Is there worse?

Of course, both are bad. I wouldn't want to be the other one in neither of these situations, but there something about an emotional affair that would just rip me a part more than anything. With emotions comes care, comes love, comes thinking about that person when you are with another, feelings that I would never want to feel being the other person. Devastating. On the other side, with a physical relationship, someone else's hands, legs, arms around what is meant to be yours. Actually going through with the act and being able to do over and over again with someone else, is just as hurtful, but then again, lacks the emotional side and lacks care. Infidelity has penetrated it's way into your relationship, and I must say, above all challenges a couple can deal with, this one is far from being one of the worse. Some people get over it, some don't. Are those that accept to take their lover back blind and can't see that "once a cheater always a cheater" or is it something that we learn to forgive for and accept, because deep down we do love that the other person, and we were lacking something in the relationship we can actually work on?

In this society, is complete monogamy possible? With Facebook, Twitter, texting, bars, clubs, friends, people around us constantly, temptation is just too present...We all want our partners to be monogamous (unless of course you're a polygamist!), but is this something that is possible? Are we made to just be with one person at a time? Some might think so, some might not. My opinion about this is quite straight forward. I believe in monogamous relationships and think than anyone who wants to be in a committed relationship also believes in these types of relationships. And if you have the need to see elsewhere, then you should leave the one you're with. But of course, we don't do that, because oh boy do we love stability. It's all about feeling safe and stable. When we have someone stable, we know we're not alone and there is just something about being alone that frightens ALL of us. Loneliness. I can relate. I used to be scared of being alone, that I would never find anyone else to care for me, that I would be forever single. NONSENSE. So for women I have seen, we try something else, something different. We have our back-up plan in case things go wrong, but we try something new. Or, we look for attention when we don't have it from the person we want. We strive to be looked at like we are the sexiest thing alive, to be admired and cherished and well, if that ain't coming from the right person... we look elsewhere. 

Infidelity is one thing. Selfish. We only think about our own pleasure and our own happiness over and above the happiness of the person we are sharing our life with. At that moment, when lips lock with a forbidden kiss, we think of that instant pleasure, of that new found connection and taking time to think of the aftermath just isn't something we want to even ponder about. But everyone has felt guilty after cheating. Some hide it better than others, and then there are others that just don't really feel guilty. And my question goes out to you... those that don't feel anything after cheating...how is that possible? Why not just break-up with that person if not only your eyes wander, but your lips, your hands, your.. well.. you know what I mean. This probably goes back to the question of stability. And men, how bout you? What is your take on infidelity? Why do you cheat?

So as my last words of wisdom, if you are cheating on your partner, ask yourself why. Is your relationship not interesting enough? How would you feel if they did the same for you? And, my best solution is to work on those problems...or.. agree to an open relationship! As someone told me recently, you get fed up of eating potatoes every day all day, sometimes it's nice to have a little chocolate or vanilla or caramel from time to time, and it can make those potatoes more appetizing... I don't really believe this, but then again, we are all free to make our own decisions and decide for ourselves what's best. But... when it comes down to it.... I just think we should live by the saying: don't do to others what you wouldn't want someone to do to you....and I think this applies perfectly.

N.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very well said!

Anonymous said...

Indeed, very well said. I never understood cheaters. As a man, I've had a few girlfriends in my life, and not once has cheating crossed my mind. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for some of my exgirfriends. Its unfortunate that some people (guys and girls) are not only selfish, but insecure and need to validate themselves by seeking the attention of others. I've seen many friends around me cheat on their loved ones, and all of them had insecurity issues. They were afraid that they would be stuck with the wrong person, or miss out on something better. But mostly, they didn't believe in themselves: believe that they were a good person and worthy of an honest relationship.
...But then again, its just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Anonymous said...

Very true! For my part, i don't think eating chocolate (or caramel or whatever you may call it) every day is a problem and we should see our boyfriend/girlfriend as chocolate and not as potatoes! If for some people, sleeping with the same person is like eating potatoes every day (i.e. boring) then there's a problem. People cheat for selfish reasons but we're also in relationships for selfish reasons (need to be loved, to have someone who cares for us, etc.). However, for me, the thrill i get from a cute stranger flirting with me in a bar (which confirms that i'm still attractive to other people and feels good) isn't comparable to the joy and fulfillment i get from sharing my life, my intimacy, with the person i love. NO COMPARISON.