Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Who slept with who?

Wow. neighbors are so weird. I don't actually enjoy looking into my neighbors windows and it's not something I really do. OK OK. For the people who have known me all my life, they know of the particular neighbor, with the bathroom window, and the many laughs. Sorry R. I just had to.  But in all cases, neighbors are.. special. As I sit down, and decide to write you a new little piece, I have a yucky neighbor who just pored his milk in the cereal box and is eating the cereal out of the box. He's still eating. It's been 10 minutes.  GET A BOWL DAMNIT. I also have this other neighbor that I see from my room who is obsessed with his TV. Rarely do I not see him in front of the TV, he's always watching the most up to date news, sports or entertainment show. Then I have others that I don't really see well, but they seem to have cool rooms!

Man, what is it about knowing about other people that we love so much? Just take In Touch, People Magazine, ET. Who wore what dress to what award show? Who slept with who's boyfriend? Who cheated on whose wife with whose cousin's brother sister's aunt? News we love to know. Gossip actually. Talking about others is just something we do so well. Why is knowing about someone's else's stuff such great news and everyone is always curious to know what's going on? I dunno. As mentioned in many previous posts... I'm not psychologist. I just tell it as it is. Are our lives not interesting enough that we need to talk about someone else's? Maybe. I guess we can all claim that our lives aren't SUPER interesting 24/7. Sometimes they just are. And the thing is, not only women gossip, but boy oh boy, men are BAD too at gossiping. This what soap operas are all about, who did what with who? Why are they a sucess, because we strive for juicy news, the more controversial it is, the better.

And you know something I learned, well I didn't really learn it, but it became REALLY obvious, but no matter how old you are, gossip is always present. ALWAYS. You would think that once you become an older adult, people just live and let live. NO. They don't. Once you are part of a group of friends, a tight group-ish, gossip is so present. Being surrounded by the same people over and over again, can only create more talking and more yucky behavior (I apologize for my childish vocabulary this evening, my brain is on off).

How to fight gossip? Be perfect. No. That's not answer. There is no way to fight it, but what you can do is learn to keep other people's secrets. This is something that I have been trying to do for some time now. And by keeping secrets and keeping other people's business to yourself, gossip disappears. Another great way, is to change the subject when someone is gossiping to you. If you make it sound unimportant, than that other person doesn't really have a reason to talk about someone else. But it's just such an easy subject of conversation. Talking about someone else doesn't require much brain power and is really to do.

I'm sure many of you are rolling your eyes, because I was once known as the mega gossiper, but really, gossiping is just mean. Let's fight it and become let others do their own thing...You wouldn't someone gossiping about you, so, mind as well keep your mouth shut about others. Live and let live baby.

N.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Infidelity.

Infidelity can have some bad consequences.... haha!
I rented a movie last week with a friend of mine called The Last Night, it's with Kiera Knightley, some very good looking Australian actor, Eva Mendes and a very good looking French actor. The theme. Infidelity. I really enjoyed this movie so if you haven't seen it, I don't want to get too much into detail, but the main character gets involved in an emotional affair with another man, and her husband gets involved in a physical affair with another woman. What is worse? Is there worse?

Of course, both are bad. I wouldn't want to be the other one in neither of these situations, but there something about an emotional affair that would just rip me a part more than anything. With emotions comes care, comes love, comes thinking about that person when you are with another, feelings that I would never want to feel being the other person. Devastating. On the other side, with a physical relationship, someone else's hands, legs, arms around what is meant to be yours. Actually going through with the act and being able to do over and over again with someone else, is just as hurtful, but then again, lacks the emotional side and lacks care. Infidelity has penetrated it's way into your relationship, and I must say, above all challenges a couple can deal with, this one is far from being one of the worse. Some people get over it, some don't. Are those that accept to take their lover back blind and can't see that "once a cheater always a cheater" or is it something that we learn to forgive for and accept, because deep down we do love that the other person, and we were lacking something in the relationship we can actually work on?

In this society, is complete monogamy possible? With Facebook, Twitter, texting, bars, clubs, friends, people around us constantly, temptation is just too present...We all want our partners to be monogamous (unless of course you're a polygamist!), but is this something that is possible? Are we made to just be with one person at a time? Some might think so, some might not. My opinion about this is quite straight forward. I believe in monogamous relationships and think than anyone who wants to be in a committed relationship also believes in these types of relationships. And if you have the need to see elsewhere, then you should leave the one you're with. But of course, we don't do that, because oh boy do we love stability. It's all about feeling safe and stable. When we have someone stable, we know we're not alone and there is just something about being alone that frightens ALL of us. Loneliness. I can relate. I used to be scared of being alone, that I would never find anyone else to care for me, that I would be forever single. NONSENSE. So for women I have seen, we try something else, something different. We have our back-up plan in case things go wrong, but we try something new. Or, we look for attention when we don't have it from the person we want. We strive to be looked at like we are the sexiest thing alive, to be admired and cherished and well, if that ain't coming from the right person... we look elsewhere. 

Infidelity is one thing. Selfish. We only think about our own pleasure and our own happiness over and above the happiness of the person we are sharing our life with. At that moment, when lips lock with a forbidden kiss, we think of that instant pleasure, of that new found connection and taking time to think of the aftermath just isn't something we want to even ponder about. But everyone has felt guilty after cheating. Some hide it better than others, and then there are others that just don't really feel guilty. And my question goes out to you... those that don't feel anything after cheating...how is that possible? Why not just break-up with that person if not only your eyes wander, but your lips, your hands, your.. well.. you know what I mean. This probably goes back to the question of stability. And men, how bout you? What is your take on infidelity? Why do you cheat?

So as my last words of wisdom, if you are cheating on your partner, ask yourself why. Is your relationship not interesting enough? How would you feel if they did the same for you? And, my best solution is to work on those problems...or.. agree to an open relationship! As someone told me recently, you get fed up of eating potatoes every day all day, sometimes it's nice to have a little chocolate or vanilla or caramel from time to time, and it can make those potatoes more appetizing... I don't really believe this, but then again, we are all free to make our own decisions and decide for ourselves what's best. But... when it comes down to it.... I just think we should live by the saying: don't do to others what you wouldn't want someone to do to you....and I think this applies perfectly.

N.

Monday, 22 August 2011

NOTHING WRONG WITH GIRLS NIGHT OUT

So, here is another post from a male contributor, which is actually an answer to my GIRLS NIGHT post. Do comment, and give your point of view! Thanks JV!
The recent blog post by N. on girls night out got me thinking. In fact, it got me interested enough to guest blog about the subject at hand from my male perspective.

I was a little surprised to read that some of the girls boyfriends frowned on the fact that their girlfriends would occasionally go out without them. But then again, I know many people from both sexes who react the same way, so after some reflection it did not really seem that odd a reaction at all unfortunately.

I say unfortunately because I feel that when two people are together, and when they truly feel comfortable and at ease in their relationship (and by extension with themselves), there is no good reason for them to keep each other at arm's length all the time.

Time apart is important (doesn't it make the heart grow fonder?), having a circle of friends outside of the relationship is very important (friends ground you and provide a different perspective on things), and being able to blow off steam is extremely important (everyone is under pressure these days, better to relieve it than to add to it).

A cynical person may say that a guy who wants his girl to go out with her friends just wants some peace and quiet, but the truth is someone who truly cares for you wants you to lead a well rounded life with a good circle of friends.

On the other end of the spectrum, someone who does not trust his girlfriend to go out without him occasionally reveals his own insecurity, trust issues and a fundamental lack of respect for his significant other. Is this a good foundation for a relationship? I would say no, and in fact I believe this sets a precedent for a future with someone who will get more and more controlling.

The fear that your girl will cheat on you is just an excuse. The truth is that fear is just an outward projection of your own insecurity. It reveals that maybe deep down you do not think your girl is happy and she may stray because you are not treating her right. Ironically it is this very behavior that may push her away.
I for one love it when the girl in my life goes out with her friends. It makes her happy and in turn makes me happy.

(but just remember it is a two way street - I need my guys nights out as well)!

JV

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Pourquoi changer vers le mieux est-il si compliqué?

Je suis si excitée! Finalement, les hommes se mélangent à mon blog! Alors voici le premier billet de Monsieur F.B. Il est en français, alors pour tous les fans francos, vous allez bien apprécier! Laisser vos commentaires, soyez honnêtes, donnez votre point de vue! Enjoy!

Pourquoi changer vers le mieux est-il si compliqué?


De nombreuses hypothèses pourraient répondre à cette question…

· Parce que comme disait un grand penseur chinois il y a des lustres : connaître les autres est sagesse et se connaître soi-même est, en fait, sagesse supérieure…Force est de constater que malheureusement, la sagesse n’est pas acquise de tous.

· Parce que la plupart cherchent partout autour d’eux sans relâche ce qui est en fait en eux;

· Parce qu’il est bien plus facile de se vautrer dans ses propres défauts en y amenant d’autres avec nous plutôt que de s’amener seul vers ce qui est meilleur pour soi.

J’ai lu, il y a bien longtemps, que changer est difficile car personne ne veut réellement changer. Certains, en lisant cela, sourcilleront en pensant que cela est faux. Cependant, je peux m’expliquer. Pour changer, il faut prendre conscience de soi et bien plus souvent qu’autrement, cela fait mal. Devant un désagrément pouvant avoir une ampleur variable, il est inévitablement plus facile de se détourner de la vérité que d’affronter ce qu’on y a constaté. Deuxièmement, on se voit obliger d’affronter son pire adversaire, soit nous-même. Pour accepter un changement, il faut alors se rendre compte qu’on ne veut pas, à première vue, un tel changement, car il représente nombre d'obstacles à franchir. Il s’avère alors si plus facile de s’évader dans des paradis artificiels, se raconter toutes sortes de conneries qu’on finit par croire à tort à force de persuasion ou même de s’entourer par pire que nous pour se sentir mieux.
Je veux illustrer le tout avec un exemple bien masculin…des femmes s’y reconnaîtront peut-être aussi, mais comme je ne suis pas une femme, je ne veux pas généraliser pour étendre le tout à la gente opposée.

Nombreux d’entre nous du sexe supposément fort tombent bien malheureux et déprimés lorsqu’ils sont seuls…Solution éclaire : se ramasser la première plus ou moins potable pour alléger ses états d'âme. Recette facilité : faire le tour des bars, s’éclater jusqu’à ne plus s’en souvenir et au passage, draguer tout ce qui se peut en réalisant les deux étapes précédentes. Mon constat est que plus souvent qu’autrement, cela ne mène à rien et même si cela a mené à quelque chose, le réveil s’avère plein de regrets. Au final, la déprime ne peut que s’amplifier et on tente de jouer les chefs cuisiniers de la facilité à répétition comme des imbéciles. Voilà comment une situation (le célibat) navrante à première vue peut devenir une spirale abyssale…

Cependant, celui qui n’aura pas peur de se regarder dans le miroir constatera peut être pourquoi il est célibataire…mauvaises habitudes, mauvaise forme physique, apparence peu soignée et/ou manque d’ambition… Devant ce constat des plus désagréables, appliquer la recette facilitée est plus que tentant, mais avec les résultats fort prédictibles cités ci-haut. Celui qui voudra s’affronter ou plutôt se confronter voudra se prendre en main. Il misera donc à force d’efforts et de persévérance sur la remise en forme, développer de saines habitudes de vie, investir son temps sur la valorisation par le travail et une apparence plus soignée. Ces changements difficiles à mettre en place bâtiront peu à peu la confiance de celui qui a voulu choisir une recette un peu plus compliquée que celle de la facilité. Il se sentira bien avec lui-même et son aura ne se trouvera qu’amplifiée. La plupart de mes amies me disent qu’elles peuvent sentir un homme bien dans sa peau, bien avec lui-même et forcément avec les autres et que cela est attirant. Tôt ou tard, l’être qui a voulu changer vers le mieux trouvera sa perle, car après tout on ne choisit pas vraiment d’être ou non part de ces histoires…elles nous trouvent, mais encore faut-il être assez alerte pour les voir quand elles se présentent.

La véritable leçon de cette petite histoire : la voie de la facilité n’amène à rien et la voie de la difficulté est valorisante de bien des façons tangibles et intangibles. Se relever lors d’une chute et être apte à changer est un signe d’une force de caractère hors du commun.

Voyez le ainsi d’une façon plus illustrée : le marathonien qui s’entraîne en courant en côte ascendante trouvera son quarante-deux kilomètres à courir sur un terrain plat tellement plus facile venu le jour de la course. Les épreuves que la vie nous réservent sont plus faciles à surmonter lorsqu’on a la bonne attitude, mais la développer ne se fait pas seul.

F.B.

Monday, 15 August 2011

What's so wrong with Girl's Night?

All week last week I was jittery. Excited. Anxious. Finally, a wonderful GIRLS NIGHT was planned at my friend C's place. C is probable the best cook I know and her food is MOUTH-WATERING. The theme for this week was sea food, so she made some excellent seafood dishes, I brought some oysters, other's made shrimp mousses, or seafood salads. Each dish was delectable in every way possible. Drool actually came out of my mouth and as I took my first bite, I was already thinking of our next Girls Night. Our Girls Nights are always so much fun. They start with the most amazing meal you will ever eat, accompanied by vino or bubbles or both, and followed by a wild night of dancing at our favorite Old Montreal spot.

As we sat around the table for another great night ahead, with our vinos, already discussing the post-supper clubbing plans, we started discussing how these Girls Nights aren't very much appreciated by the boyfriends. How weird we thought. You would think that your boyfriend would encourage the fact that you are doing your own thing, spending quality time with your girlfriends while he can spend quality time with his guy friends, but this just ain't so.

This got me thinking. I have mentioned this in my previous posts, but I guess this just accentuates the fact that as much as we might think that the woman and man are equal. They aren't. In reality, the man would actually want his woman home, waiting for him while he goes out, not the other way around. The idea of leaving their woman go and do their own thing seems to cause them to be a little upset, and would wish that they would just stay home. It sometimes can be a little confusing, because they would want to go out, spend time with their boys, which is OK, but when it's the other way around, it's just not as well accepted. Have we evolved? The man's brain seems to have remained the same. But seriously, us women need these evenings with our girls where we can chat about our issues, great make-up, recipes, business, traveling and whatever other subject, but our way. We need to get our boogie on, and dance till we can't dance no more, as we hug each other on the dance floor while pooring cramberry vodkas down our throats. We need to scream "I JUST CAME TO SAY HELLLOOOO", while others stare wondering if we're 22 or 27. We need it. We need that freedom to do our own thing as much as men need their freedom to have poker nights, or Monday night football nights or "hey man, come over to play some Call of Duty" nights.

Are they worried that we might cheat on them? I guess. But here's the thing that my mom always told me, and that I try to apply to my life as much as I can. If they cheat, that means that they doesn't really want to be with you, and if they don't really want to be with you, why would you want to be with them, because really, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. HA. Did you get that? Then again, if they are going to cheat, they will find a way to, whether or not you forbid Girls Nights or Guys Nights. The more freedom you give, the more they will want to be close to you. You can't force anyone to stay close and the more limitations you force on that person, the more they will want to break out of it, and feel strangled. Instead of pulling them close, you are actually pushing them away.

So boys, instead of wanting us to stay home, set us free, we need it as much as you need your guy time. Of course, a little worrying or jealousy is cute, but encourage us to have a good time, not the other way around.

So boys, do you agree? Why do you think you want your woman to stay at home instead of going out? I would love a man's opinion on this issue.

N.

Friday, 12 August 2011

What it feels like for a boy...

So this is a public announcement asking any man out there if they want to write for my blog. After all this time, I keep on giving my point of view, but I'd be extremely interested to know a man's point of view on some of these subjects and to even bring new subjects to the table. You can write annonymously, or not, that's up to you.

If any of you are interested, please write to me, my e-mail address can be found in the "View my complete profile" page, on the top right of the main page.

Thanks and I hope I get a few of you who want to participate!!!
Sometimes, us woman like to know what goes on in those man heads of yours!!

N.

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

A dedication...

All my talk about relationships, friendships and all sorts of ships, there is one specific relationship that I haven't spoken about, and that is one with your mother. I write today to dedicate a special piece to my mom. As I grow older, the relationship I have with mom is continuously evolving. Good times, not so good times, but despite those not so good times, I know that deep down she really loves me and that all she wants is for me to be happy and succeed in everything I do.

My mama
I feel like a 12 year old that is asked to write a piece about the person they admire the most. Well without a doubt, on the top of my list (along with my dad!), my mom is someone I admire immensely.

I was 13 years old, in grade 8, and my younger brother was 5 and he got the chicken pocks at school. I had never had the chicken pocks before. I knew that if he had them, I was surely going to get them too, but as I saw him live through it without much pain or suffering, I knew that I would probably not suffer too much either. Boy was I wrong. I first realized I got the pocks while I was at Habs game. The pocks started to develop on my stomach, and quickly spread all over my body. It itched so bad. I could barely move. And who came to my rescue? My mom. I thought I was a mature teenager that didn't really need my mommy anymore, boy was I wrong again. As I sat in the bath, with oven mits duck taped to my wrists, my mom bathed me like a little baby, with oatmeal filled nylon socks...She helped me get dressed, she made my food and made sure that the entire pocks experience went as smoothly as possible. At that moment, I realized that no matter how old you are, you will always need your mommy. 

As I continue into adulthood, different life decisions are presented to me, and I know that even though I won't like the answer, I know that my mom will always give me her honest advice. I know that if I wear a dress that makes me look fat, she will honestly tell me, N. that dress isn't right for you. Honesty is sometimes something we don't always like to hear, but sometimes, we need to be told the truth to grow as individuals. I know I can always count on my mom for that. 

I look at my mom now, who raised 4 beautiful children, worked for some high profile companies in high ranked positions, organized some of the most profitable charity events in the history of Montreal and still continues to do so. I can't say how much I admire her for being her. She is the strongest woman I know, the most driven and determined, the one who can enjoy the simple pleasures in life, who believes in the good in others, who helps others and who heals others. I only wish to develop all these qualities to their potential. I look at her and I see a beautiful woman, who, of course I don't always see eye to eye with, but who is so filled love and compassion. She always looks out for me and tries to always guide me in the right direction. Now, not that our directions are always similar and I can't say that I always agree with the direction in which she wants me to go, but the intention is always good. I used to complain, and maybe I still do, that my mom is too overbearing and sometimes I need some space and need to do the growing on my own, but I would much prefer a mother like this, than one that doesn't care at all. 

Especially in the past year, I just want my mom to know how much I appreciate her, how much she means to me and how much I love her. 

I love you mom.

N.