Friday, 15 July 2011

My Ideal

Yesterday, my entire blog was challenged. As I sat at dinner with a bunch of people I hadn't met before, I was shocked to hear a man say out loud: "No I'm not in love with my girlfriend". So I asked, how long have you 2 been together? Thinking he would answer me something like, a couple months, boy was I wrong. He answered: "2.5 years more or less, on and off". 2 AND A HALF YEARS, and he's not in love! So I asked him, well.. why are you still in a relationship if you aren't in love anymore? I guess I pressed the wrong button.

For a while now, I have convinced myself of the type of man I was looking for. Someone that made laugh, that made me feel sexy, that has ambition, that I enjoy spending time with, that I would look at when I wake up and be happy that I'm laying next to him, no matter the ups and downs that we might have. I'm not difficult, but I am looking for a true love, a love that will make it through marriage, babies, renovations, arguments, disagreements, sickness, beautiful moments.. you name it. I was quickly told that I have an ideal and that reality doesn't work that way. I was told that in reality, you find someone that you enjoy spending time with, and well, sometimes that's as good as it gets. Really? I guess there I go again with my optimism, with my idea of not settling for something mediocre. Yes I have been technically single for almost 2 years now. This person quickly pointed out that I was just being too difficult and that I'm cutting out a lot of men out there. He actually stated that some people play on the ice and some people coach, and I'm a coach. We argued because I'm not just a coach, I play on the ice as much as any other. Yes I know I'm more difficult. And so? Does that mean that I should change my criteria? No. I'm not that desperate to find anyone. I don't want anyone, I want that special someone. Id rather be alone that badly matched. But as I have seen, this opinion isn't shared by many. Sometimes, you find someone that keeps you company, that you like, that satisfies you, but that you are not head over heels for, and that's just OK... I guess we are all different. I don't think I'm better by wanting an ideal and only settling for this ideal, I know what I want and I know what I want for my future. It's not impossible.

On the other hand, when you are in something that you find just mediocre, why not go out of your way to make it that much better. Try new activities, have fun sex nights, take a getaway, go play pool, go bowl, go out just the 2 of you, spice it up and try everything. If you are in a so-so relationship, why not do anything possible to be happy in it. The guy last night kept on mentioning that you can only control 50% of the deal. Yeah, well why not push that 50% and convince your partner to want to make a difference too. Considering that you are spending all this time with this other person, why not make this time as enjoyable as possible. Why have we become lazy when it comes to working on a relationship? Instead, we just let it die, or we give up. Is it because we live in a city full of people and that we can find distractions anywhere we look? I tend to think so.

Living in the city as opposed to living in the country gives us so much more opportunity....from happy hours to bar hopping, we are always surrounded by people of the opposite sex. I can't even tell you how many men I have met that were ermotionnally unavailable, it would scare you. The temptation is out there, and some are just so ready to seize it. Who will know? This way, you have the stability of a relationship, and the thrill of a fling - best of both worlds! Scandalous! But this is what the real world is like. I know it because Im living it. If only I could tell you the stories, but sadly, I don't want to get all these men in trouble because I guess Im just nice like that... I have seen that even the nicest of men can be deceiving. The ones you never thought WOULD EVER DO THAT.. do. Fidelity becomes an option, not an obligation and my trust level goes through the basement. How to trust a man after what I have seen?Ah could I go on. 

So I guess, as my last words of wisdom, tie your man up with a leash. haha! no no, but keep your relationship exciting, listen to your man, give him the attention he needs, be spontaneous, be different and keep the spice going so he or you won't need to see elsewhere! And... if you have an ideal, I say STICK TO IT! No settling. I'm not going back on that one. 

I would love to get your opinion on any of this, are you OK with the OK man or do you have an ideal?

Have a nice weekend!

N. 

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well you should keep up with your ideal... I'm pretty much in the same situation, being "single" for 2 years and met a LOT of people. But you know what, I just keep on thinking that on 7 billions out there, you CAN find the "one".

I also think that we should live our life at 100% and staying with someone "acceptable" isn't an option in my head. Either I'm this "crazy" single guy or I'm an happy crazy guy in a relationship. For me it's one or the other.

One last little thing on cheating...I'll be straight forward here. A pussy(dick) is a pussy(dick), there is plenty of it out there and trust me(for the pussy part until today), they are pretty much the same. So if you find one woman that you love and of course the sex is good, KEEP HER!

An another thing, a relationship evolves, it changes AND yes it will never be like the first months, just like your body. Learn to adapt, change things, talk, talk and talk.

A retired Barman :)

N. said...

Well said Retired Barman. Im going through my mind, wondering if I know you... oh well. Love the comment :)

Anonymous said...

Let's say I just like to be direct and I've learned that bullshit doesn't get you very far with someone. And this applies to all type of relations you have in your life.

The only thing is that you learn this with time and experience...but most importantly you need to be willing to learn and grow from all this. Unfortunately a lot of people do not give a crap and just fall into the same pattern.

N. said...

wow. love the way you think. If I don't know you, can I?

Anonymous said...

"He actually stated that some people play on the ice and some people coach, and I'm a coach."
SO TRUE!

Can i meet this guy?!

- your sexologist friend...

Anonymous said...

If you're both in Montreal(or close) we could have a drink sometime...