Thursday, 2 June 2011

He taught me to be stronger...

I don't usually use personal stories when I talk about my points of view. I generalize. But of course there is always something that I lived through in order to be able to give my own point of view. I guess I'm breaking my own rules for this post. 

I recently decided to cut a very special person out of my life. I made this decision because it wasn't going anywhere and I was fed up with wanting more than he actually did. This whole process took much longer than it should have and instead having it last a couple months, it went past 1 year and a half. Despite all this, he taught me a lot. He taught me about music, about people, about emotions, about dinosaurs, about stocks, about baseball, about values and most and above all, he taught me how to be a stronger woman. He supported me when I first started this blog, in my new job with the magazine, helped me when things with friends weren't doing so well, smiled at me when I needed it, hugged me when I needed it. And in return, I did the same for him with his music, his friends, his job, his future plans and morale. This man became my best friend, and I developed more and more feelings for him as time passed. But quickly realized that he was no where near ready to want to be with me and what I should have done as soon as I saw those red lights was to back off. But I couldn't. I stuck around. I hoped. I saw other women pass through his life, I saw him get closer again with his ex, and I accepted it all. Hoped that one day he would realize what an amazing person I was and that he would be crazy to pass me by. Finally, after 1 year and a half of talking to this person almost every day since Oct 2009, I knew it was time to make the cut. Why it took me so long? My optimism. My heart kept on aching and not that I was ever in love with him, but I always wished he would want me more and that those feelings would eventually develop. This whole experience has taught me so much, and this is really what I care to share with you.

LESSON #1 - I learned to not use a crutch when you brake up with someone. You need to live that pain on your own. See your friends. Go out. But stay away from finding someone who will "replace" that one. This man was my crutch when I got out of my last relationship. Of course, not all situations are the same, but I guess it's important to know you are really ready. I wasn't. And still am not, even though I thought I was. Relationships still give me a little anxiety because Im still dealing with the after effects of my last one. 

LESSON #2 - Keep that chase going. Everyone likes a good challenge. Never open up too quickly. I made that mistake with him. This has hurt me more than once. And most girls I would say are pretty good with this. Well most I know. I give in too quickly and show my emotions when I first get the chance. Have him run after you. Have him want you more than anything. My mom told me, never give in too quickly, you are amazing and you can chose whoever you want. They are lucky to be with you, not the other way around.

LESSON #3. - You are amazing. You are amazing enough to have what you want and we should never settle with something mediocre. I settled for a "friendship" with this guy instead of actually telling him GOOD BYE when I knew that he just didn't share my feelings. Sticking around shows that you just aren't worthy enough. I know now that I'm an amazing person and that the one who will find me will think the same and want the same. Not everything is meant to be. Never underestimate how amazing you are, or compare yourself to others. Im repeating it because I mean it. YOU ARE AMAZING.

LESSON #4. - Listen. Listen to yourself and to the ones that care about you the most. Their advice is priceless.  And you know yourself the best, we shouldn't suppress what our mind is telling us. Sometimes we need to learn things on our own, but I learned how important it is to really listen to the ones that want the best for you. Look at salespeople, who always tell you that everything looks good on you. They don't care about what you look like, they want a sale. Trust your mom that tells you your jeans make you look fat, or in this case, your friends that tell you it's time to move on. Because, chances are, they are right.

LESSON #5. Be self-disciplined. So many times do we tell ourselves: Ok that's it, time to move on, but we catch ourselves talking to that person again, wanting to see them again, wanting to spend time with them again, just to fill that void. We are lying to ourselves. Occupy yourself. Shop. Play Sports. Read. See Friends. and DO ANYTHING to not speak to that person. It will only hurt you in the long run.

LESSON #6 and last lesson. Smile. When times are tough, all you need is a smile. Close your eyes and smile. It's as if nothing can make you unhappy. Time is the best medicine, but it can start with a little smiling.

I'm not the life guru, but before meeting this guy, I didn't put any of this into practice, or barely. He completely changed my ways of thinking when it came to relationships between 2 people. This is how he made me a stronger woman. The most important lesson though is #3. Believe that you are great, no matter who you are. I thank this man for teaching me so much. He taught me more than what he probably bargained for. Who knows what the future will bring, but hopefully it will continue to bring me happiness and confidence to have or do anything I desire and deserve, because above all, that's what I really want in life.

N.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

you have a lot of guts to write that. but good for you! you are a great person Nat, you will find that great person for you...

Eve said...

I love the way you think and learn from situations Miss Courey. I believe we can all learn A LOT from this and apply it everywhere, not even only in love matters. Great writing. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Well said! If you can't make yourself happy, you can't make anyone else happy. It always starts with you.
You're always a great read...

Anonymous said...

why not...

N. said...

why not what?