Great post. Do you have anymore insight? Five months ago my commitmentphobic ex broke up with me after a year. I'm still devastated. I have read hundreds of books and articles on this fear, gone to therapy and doing my best to pick myself up. I miss him terribly and I am still depressed. I am his longest relationship.He has a poor dating history, verrry short relationships ( a few months) and we have had a long history of attraction toward each other. I'm 31 and he's 37. We dated once when I was 22. Something keeps bringing us back together. I finally thought our timing was right to stay together. Although I never brought up marriage or kids, he sabotaged the relationship and checked out. Now especially at my age (and his), my dreams of marriage and kids with him are shattered. I feel like he is a complete stranger now. We aren't even friends. Any advice that I haven't heard before? Seriously I've spent 5 months reading every article and forum just trying to understand his psyche. - Anonymous
First of all, I'm not a commitment phobe expert. What I do know though is that everyone has a reason for being a commitment phobe. Whether it be a past relationship, an experience that the person lived through or a traumatic experience, each person has a reason for having this phobia. Like any phobia or any psychological issue, there is a root somewhere. Daddy issues, mommy issues, really, reasons are endless. Maybe he is the one that should do therapy to figure out why he can't commit. I do not know your man, hence I can't really know why he can't commit and why he feels this pressure.
I think someone can be a commitment phobe at any age, and yes I do think it's sad that this didn't work out the way it should. What I also know, is that you are not the one to blame. You think, but what is wrong with me that I can't get him hooked?! As stupid as this might sound, it's not you, it's him. Now, if you have read tons of articles and tons of info on this subject, you probably know all this by know. But this is the best insight I can give you.
Now I open this up to my readers, some of which are commitment phobes, and I'm wondering if you can help me and help my reader with this issue. I know most of you are pretty smart people who have all been through their fair share of relationship issues, so maybe you can add something that I don't know about.
Please include your comments below, because you know, we all want to get down to the bottom of the Whys? and Hows?.