Thursday, 24 February 2011

How to understand women?

The question! How to understand a woman? This is probably the trickiest question in the book and all men are wondering, why are women so complicated? Listen, us women ask ourselves the same question, why are men so complicated?! It's a tough world. But we need to deal with it. We need to deal with us living on the same planet and well, it just happens that we actually do fall in love and feel for one another more emotion than we thought possible. BUT. Sometimes, we don't seem to understand each other, understand HOW that other person can think like that, move like that, whine, cry, ask, BE the way they are. 

And this all comes down to one thing - WOMEN NEED TO FEEL TREASURED! Don't argue. Don't even think about it! Women need that attention, the care, the love, and to feel listen to and understood. Lesson #2, women are usually emotional and think a lot. Yes, we are over-thinkers, and we know it. "So if he didn't call me on Valentines Day, but called me the day after, maybe he does still like me, but maybe not enough, but then what did he do on Valentines Day" or "We speak every day, the sex is good, but he doesn't want me more than that, maybe it's because he's still seeing Sophia or maybe he just likes the sex, or maybe he loves me so much but doesn't want to tell me yet". "It's our 2.5 year anniversary tomorrow and I don't think he planned anything, he never plans anything, or he is so last minute, why can't he just do something nice, a card, flowers, something, not just a kiss" We are bad at it. Because we are over-thinkers, men, you need to be prepared with the weirdest stuff you will ever hear. We are EMOTIONAL. The trick is to listen. Listen with all your might, and don't comment until she is finished. We need the proof that you really love us or want us or understand us, even when we are being irrational (for you). We think about things more in depth, we multi-task our thoughts, think in advance and we want you men to follow that. We don't want to feel crazy, we want to feel understood. Making us feel crazy is a good way to just keep on pushing us away.

"Does this dress make me look fat?" If it really does, the key answer is: "No babe it doesn't, BUT I much prefer your other little black dress on you." Here's another tricky one, "Oh I really shouldn't have more chocolate, I keep on gaining weight" (and she really is!). DO NOT SAY: Yeah babe, you are gaining some weight, maybe you should lay off the chocolate. In this situation, the truth is not good!! You say: "Why don't we go to the gym together, or go for a jog together, let's get in shape together, take a yoga class together". You need to stay on the positive side of the fence if you want to keep your woman happy. 


For the single woman, the type of man that  best understands a woman, is sadly, a player. The player knows what to say to make a woman happy and they play on that. They know how to compliment, they know how to make the woman feel important, they know how to charm the lady with their humor, jokes, they know exactly how to make a woman fall for them. But that's pretty much it. It's when the couple starts and you are dealing with every day issues that the question of understanding a woman becomes difficult. It's really the little attentions that count. See diagram to the right. These are things women love and that don't take much effort, but just really show the woman how much you care. I know, a lot of you men do some great stuff, but for those that seem to forget, spice up your relationship with some extra care.



If you're a man, I would love your insight, and tricks you have used to better deal with your woman when you think she's a little "crazy". Because I know girls, we can be a little over-dramatic...

N.


Feb 25th UPDATE- I received a comment from a reader and I will also post a response on the blog post, but if you also have comments, please do add them in the box below!



Hello, I am a teen guy. Although I am slightly unusual as far as teen males go.


I find your post interesting although I think it might be a little superficial. It panders to a typical depiction of women that are quite standard. Yes the methods listed above would work for a majority of middle class caucasian women, but they lack a real understanding of the "why".


Any man can show up with a box of chocolates and spout cliched love lines because he read they work. In some cases they do accomplish the desired goal, but that isn't really demonstrating love, that's following a guidebook for getting laid.


I think that women, along with men, just like to feel understood. Some women like to feel like their partner thinks they are important so treasuring them will work because they feel important and therefore understood. It is a little deeper than being treaured and I think that it is, in a way, more important.


You can demonstrate understanding in many more ways than you can adoration. Just listening is a good one (I know you mentionned that). Knowing the person, not just tastes and preferences, but reactions and why they do certain things. In other words, what makes them tick? If you can accurately predict their reaction in a certain scenario or read their mood from the way they act (in a sense deeper than knowing they're angry because they're throwing things). Then you probably have a good understanding of them, and I feel that is more important than any amount of chocolates.


But that's just me.
Hello Teen Guy,

First of all, I appreciate your comment, and for a Teen Guy, you are pretty smart and seem to understand women at a higher level. Secondly, I believe you interpreted my post a little too much with that extra box I added to the bottom of the page naming things men should do for their women. What I wanted to say about that box is that women enjoy the little attentions, and not every man takes the time to go to the flower shop and buy their woman flowers for no good reason, or clean their car, or write them little letters, these actions aren't done for sex, but are done to prove to the woman that the men do care and want to treasure their woman. Little attentions have a big influence in the woman's mind, whether it be a little note in the morning, picking up lunch - whatever. You don't need to spend any money, you just need to put effort, because women like the extra effort. The fact that you are going out of your way for her is important.

You also mentioned understanding why she gets angry so you can predict her moves. Yes I agree. But sometimes anger comes at different times, in different shapes, and could stem from things that happened months ago. Some women tend to keep all their emotion inside, until one day it just bursts. Others, say what's on their mind, give a big screaming match and then they are OK. Women need to feel that their ideas do actually make sense, are no over-thought, are not crazy and that's the only way the woman can move on from being upset. And expecting anything, expecting her to be upset for reasons you don't understand will happen, and I'm saying that when that happens, the women can't be told they are crazy, they need to feel understood. So yes, knowing their taste, knowing their favorite food, favorite art gallery, favorite TV show, what they like to wear on rainy days,  her pet peeves, her childhood issues - all these do help predict her behavior and knowing these all come with one important thing - listening and understanding.

Hope this kind of helped you understand, and probably make my readers understand the message I was trying to give out! If you have anything to add, I really encourage you to do so, I think discussion is important and giving different point of views helps one think.

Have a nice Friday!

N.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello, I am a teen guy. Although I am slightly unusual as far as teen males go.

I find your post interesting although I think it might be a little superficial. It panders to a typical depiction of women that are quite standard. Yes the methods listed above would work for a majority of middle class caucasian women, but they lack a real understanding of the "why".

Any man can show up with a box of chocolates and spout cliched love lines because he read they work. In some cases they do accomplish the desired goal, but that isn't really demonstrating love, that's following a guidebook for getting laid.

I think that women, along with men, just like to feel understood. Some women like to feel like their partner thinks they are important so treasuring them will work because they feel important and therefore understood. It is a little deeper than being treaured and I think that it is, in a way, more important.

You can demonstrate understanding in many more ways than you can adoration. Just listening is a good one (I know you mentionned that). Knowing the person, not just tastes and preferences, but reactions and why they do certain things. In other words, what makes them tick? If you can accurately predict their reaction in a certain scenario or read their mood from the way they act (in a sense deeper than knowing they're angry because they're throwing things). Then you probably have a good understanding of them, and I feel that is more important than any amount of chocolates.

But that's just me.

Anonymous said...

N,

I think you've got a solid point on doing the little things. It's the little things that will go a long way. And not just doing little things for them, but showing them you paid attention to the little details. I believe the right women will enjoy this much more than if a guy goes "all out" for them.

I love doing little things to the girl I'm interested in, and for two reasons:

1) Like you said, it's the little details that show you care. It's not the extravagant night out, cocktail dress, fine dining and the limo ride back home that will show her she's worth it. It's the home-cooked meal after a long day at work, cuddling up on the couch and watching TV together that will go further. To me, the extravagant evening out will tell the world you're with her, but the evening at home will tell her, "I'm all yours."

2) I believe it's a great way to filter out the women not worth being with. If she can't notice your attention to details, she's not worth your time. We have to admit that some girls will simply wait for the BIG presents. Just like we see in nature, everyone has their place, their role in life. These girls exist to keep the players busy. Like you've mentioned, players know what to say and how to act, and they are also usually posted around extravagance, a.k.a. the giant 4L bottle of Grey Goose. That's fine with me. They can take the material girls out of the picture, let me to see where the real, decent women are, and allow me to approach them...or who knows, maybe they'll approach me! ;)

Little things will always go a longer way. Big things take lots of energy. If you keep trying to do the big things, you will burn yourself, and the relationship, out.

...then again, this is just my opinion. I could be wrong.


P.S. To the teen guy: when I was 18, I thought I had figured girls out. Then I got a girlfriend and saw I was completely wrong. When I turned 25, I was with another girl. I knew a lot more than before, I learnt from my experience and I knew I finally understood women. 4 years later, I found out I was wrong again. Now, I'm 29 and I've gained a lot more wisdom and knowledge about our female equals...and I know that my 35 year old self in the future is laughing at me right now because he will prove to me that, yet again, I know nothing. So when it comes to women and relationships, don't overthink it. Don't try to figure them out. Just keep it simple. Again, it's the little things. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, move on.

Anonymous said...

Hi i am young adult male. I want to know how can I make a woman happy without putting myself down.I feel like I do the best i can to show women that I am not a mistake from God. Sometimes I wish I can walk in a woman's shoes for life to show them that I am not a dog. I feel like I have failed this time with women and I do feel like they are out of my league I tell jokes,compliment them,cuddle with them,give them their space,buy them everything to my last penny,hear them out but it is not good enough I feel like I am not good enough for them and god. I try my hardest to talk to them without staring at their cleavage and I am training mind not to only don't make the mistakes toward them nor think about sex like an idiot. a prime example of my joke telling is: I am ugly(really I am not) in order not to be an arrogant ass .She says why? Because I am so ugly that I make Flava Flave Look like Fabio Lanzoni lol. So what can I do to be the perfect best man I can be to women so this nightmare can stop.

How to Make Love to a Woman said...

When you entered relationship and accepted his good sides, you also accepted his imperfections. Don’t try to change his habits, and on that way interfere in his manliness. They don’t want to be changed, and as you can probably tell by now, they are, in huge number of cases, straightforward.

Anonymous said...

Typical biased female article..

timidly primitive said...

moral of the story: women are children and should be treated as such.

Anonymous said...

Woman are like a child , needs to understand them , give importace to them , i agree with giving attention to minor details - they appreciate it .
the negative part of it is they try to control you , we would like to be a free man.