Friday, 14 January 2011

"The Other Woman"

You meet someone. They are nice, interesting, smart, good looking/pretty, funny, conversation is at its high, you feel that great chemistry, you are interested in knowing more, so you do, you talk a little more: "So do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?" It might not come out that straight forward, but something along those lines. And to your disappointment, the answer is yes. So what to do now? Clearly that other person is interested in you, clearly you are interested in that person. So what to do? Tell them off, say listen, I don't do that or do you go along with the flow? The easy answer is to find someone else. But the one we are most inclined on doing is sticking around.

What a bad idea... The chances that this develops into something more are close to 0. Really. I know. It's happened. Yes, I do know of couples that got involved this way, when one of them or even both of them were involved with others and it turned out. But this doesn't happen often. It's hard to be in this type of "relationship" because the risk is high.

But my question is... why? Why would someone in a relationship get involved with someone else? Answers are endless, either a sexual reason, or they need some spice in their life (their relationship is boring), or to see if they still "got it" or they fell into temptation. I think that most people enjoy these types of relationships because they feel they had something more special to offer, that they were somewhat more interesting, sexier, smarter than their current GF or BF. But with time, after being shut down and them going back to their GF, we should realize how this was a ridiculous pleasure because you never really end up winning in the long run. Yes, we may win the battle, but we never win the war. There is excitement and interest, the sneaking around is a thrill, but at one point, he/she might realize what they are doing is wrong, and go back to their spouse, and well leave you, alone.

So, if you do decide to go along with is, this is my advice to you, stand guard. Because I know you probably will give it a try, life is short and you never want to regret not following through with something. And if it's for the sex, well if you really want the sex, then have sex! But keep in mind, that's all that it is, some good entertainment. But have him or her come to you. You really need to stand your mark on this one. Keep the emotions down, and really make an effort to keep a closed heart, because you don't want to end up the really hurt one in the end.

Then again, I really want to emphasise the fact that you are better than that and that you deserve someone who will actually want to spend time with you and get to know you and have that develop into something better. We can never underestimate how great we are and how much we really deserve. Sometimes, that's hard to act on.

Has this happened to you this situation? Were you hurt? Or did you get the guy or girl? And if you succeded, what did you do? Any tips or tricks to dealing with this sticky situation? Im sure a lot of you must have lived through something similar.. and your experiences can help others!



---{--@ said...

He was engaged. I was "the other woman". He approached me, he made all the first moves since I did not agree to it at first. But we ended sleeping together regurlarly. I was slightly attached at first. Then, took the "it's just for sex" mindframe, and it was fine after that. Then he got married, and I don't hear from him anymore...

Anonymous said...

I am currently the other woman...although this isn't the first time it is the first time i let myself get in too deep and i fell in love,,,i did all the classic things wrong by making him my world and waiting by the phone and craving attention but now that i have realized i'm really only with him for the sex and excitiment of it all our realtionship has had a turning point...and i'm going to start dating other guys now just so he knows too that this is just fun