Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Why do we settle...?

This question is actually quite simple, the only reason why we settle is because we don't want to leave our comfort zone. We may be comfortable at our current job, comfortable with our current friends, comfortable with our current body or comfortable with our couple. This doesn't mean that comfort isn't good, but we like our comfort and we chose comfort over and above change or risk. It just happens that we can probably do more than just be satisfied with what we have, but actually really love what we have.

In this post, I'm actually going to discuss settling in a relationship, which to me is the one of the worst things someone can do. We may have all come accross relationships that we have settled in, that we let drag on way too long, when we knew perfectly well that they weren't right for us.

To my surprise, in this day and age, I still see couples that settle together. I can't believe it because there are so many fish in the sea. So many possible people you can probably be happier with. But nonetheless, I still see those couples still together, that don't have anything in common anymore, that fight constantly or that just stopped having sex. Why do we stay in relationships like this? As someone from the outside looking in, it's obvious that the 2 shouldn't be together. I can't tell you the number of times I have told friends of mine that they need to move on to something else, to someone else. But when you are in it, there really is nothing more difficult than leaving the one you are with. Especially when nothing is really wrong, but that you just feel you can probably DO better. Or maybe you think that's the best you can get. That's a reason I have heard way too many times. "But he's so much better to me than the others have been!". That doesn't mean he's the best. That doesn't mean that he's the one you should spend your life with. That means he's better, that's it. Why do so many women don't think they deserve more? We deserve the world! We deserve the best man out there, who treats us like princesses, who loves us like they love hockey (or whatever sport your man might love), who is smart, ambitious, great, funny, whatever. After I give someone this speech, that person looks at me and says : N. Get out of your fairytale! This ISN'T a fairytale girls. This is really life. I'm not settling for 2nd best, I don't see why you should.

Another thing I hear way too much is - "well my biological clock is ticking" or "I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life". Oh give me a break! What is the big rush to live the rest of your life? Wouldn't you rather spend every waking moment next to someone you really love and enjoy being with instead of someone that is just OK, but that is enjoyable to be with, but maybe not more than that? Now, if you are 55 and you need companionship, well then I can see where settling fits in (but I don't even agree with it at that age, but I'm giving this as an exception...) But now, we are still young (well I think most of my readers are youngish), we have time to find that perfect person for us. To try, and fail, and to try again. And the key to all of this is to not lose focus on what we really want in someone and to not settle with something that is sorta kinda not quite like that. I'm not saying that if he doesn't have blue eyes, ditch. I'm saying that we all have fundamental qualities we look for in someone else and that we should respect ourself and what we believe is important. For instance, I look for humor in my potential man, if he ain't funny, he ain't for me. I also look for someone who is a little quirky like myself and who laughs at my horrible jokes. But I also want someone who is very manly, and who can take care of me. For those who know me, I'm a very strong woman and I need someone who has the personnality to take that but to also be able to make me feel secure, and safe and comfortable in their arms, a place where I don't have to be strong...I want a teammate, not a coach, nor a waterboy. And I won't settle until someone like that, whom of course wants to be with me, comes along.

OK OK Enough about me. But you get the point. I guess I know pretty much what I want. The problem is actually finding it. Problem with men these days is trouble to commit and to actually build something great with someone else. I am sure this is also a problem some men face as well with their women, scared to commit to someone else. This will be the subject of my next post. I even have a little treat for all of you.. I interviewed a friend of mine - a commitmentaphobe (scared of commitment) who gives quite interesting insight on being a commitmentaphobe and a real life Good Luck Chuck (don't understand the reference, check up the movie!)

Until, then, I leave you on my words of wisdom... Never underestimate the great person that you really are, and that you really deserve to be the happiest person in the world. NO NEED TO SETTLE WITH NOTHING! The sky is the limit :)

N.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to hearing about the infamous commitment phobes..